Bicycle monkey boy is now officially the laziest U.S. president of all time.
posted by
Wally
11:32 AM
As of today, the chimp-king has surpassed even Reagan for taking the most days off of work of any U.S. President in history. What is truly spectacular is that he managed this amazing feat of unsurpassed indolence in less than 5 years, whereas it took Reagan (who was no slouch when it came to being a slouch) a full 8 years to set the previous record of 335 days.
Not only that, but the current "slack fest" is the longest Presidential vacation in at least 36 years. Pretty impressive for someone who can't even count to 36 without taking off both his own and Laura's shoes (assuming they have at least 36 digits between them).
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/08/02/AR2005080201703.html
Since Dookie, Clyde and I all have our full compliment of appendages, and are smart enough to not have to use them to do simple plusses, minuses, timeses and guzintas*, let's do some simple arithmatic. He was inaugurated on January 20, 2001. It is now August 19, 2005. That's 4 years 7 months, exactly. 4 x 365 = 1460. Add one day for leap year in 2004, that's 1461. It has been 231 days since Jan 20, 2005, so we're exactly 1692 days into his presidency. That's including weekends and holidays - and this punk doesn't even put in full days during the week, so you KNOW he's not busting his ass on weekends (falling off his bicycle notwithstanding). Take away weekends and standard holidays (xmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day) he's down to 1230 work days. I'm sure I'm being generous, since you know he also takes off every frikking banking holiday there is. Arbor day is all about brush clearing after all, ain't it?
He has now spent 336 days at the ranch. That comes to over 27% of his time off (20% if you count weekends and holidays). That averages out to 75 days per year spent at the (ahem) ranch** since he's been in office. SEVENTY FIVE fucking vacation days a year. Go ahead and talk to your boss about that - tell them you want the "presidential" vacation schedule and see how hard they laugh. Better yet, tell them that when the company is in crisis mode, deep in debt, behind on several major projects, with legal action pending against it and see what happens.
Man, I want that son of a bitch's schedule. Even school children don't have that many days off a year (including Summer break). Meantime, the rest of us Americans are stuck showing up at work (at least) 5 days a week (at least) 8 hours a day (and let's see a show of hands for everyone who's boss lets them take 2 hour lunches to work out and take a nap) just to put a roof over our head and food on our family, and we are happy to get that 2 weeks off so we can roadtrip to go camping in the Wisconsin Dells because that's all we can afford anymore on our Walmart wages.
But for him... it's "hard work" so he needs to rest. Fuck him. He wouldn't recognize hard work if he was forced to watch it for 75 days in a row.
What would really do him (and the country) some good is if he got 75 years of hard labor in Poundyourass Federal Penitentiary, or at the Hague.
On a positive and unrelated note, today marks the 46th year since Hawaii became a state! Put on an ugly shirt and a grass skirt, grab a mai tai, and see if you can't go out and get yourself lei'd.
Aloha.
Wally
*it's texan for "division" i.e. 2 guzinta 6 three times. 3 guzinta 12 four times.
** by definition, a ranch has livestock, so every time he calls it a "ranch" he's lying again, just like every other time he opens his mouth to do something besides shove in a pretzel or pour in a beer.
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