Crazy 8's
By Ed
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Ed here,
Sorry about my absence, but my hemorrhoid has been acting up. I went a few months ago to my annual physical. The doctor that has been shoving his finger up my ass for the last ten years must have forgotten to trim his finger-nail. He bent me over. He lubed me up. He penetrated. He probed. He pulled out. I felt violated as I always do. He handed me the box of tissues. He turned around so I could wipe my greasy ass-hole. He told me that my prostate was the size of a walnut, and that was good. I was happy. Henry wasn't. You see, since I can't seem to get rid of this hemorrhoid, I decided to give it a name. Doc's fingernail must have scraped Henry's forehead. Little did I know, this situation would cause me months of sheer agony. First, I had to quit wearing my thong underwear, because the small trickle of blood coming from my asshole would dry on the floss with my butt-crack hair. Taking my thong off was painful. 10 to 15 hairs each time. Henry had an attitude. So I decided to switch boxer briefs. Problem with that is, I had blood patches when I changed them every day. Then the idea hit me. Use a kotex pad. It worked, but it looked like I had a tater in my pants. It sucks walking around with a kotex pad up the crack of your ass, but it worked. You're thinking I'm a genius aren't you? Well, you'd be right. Anyway, Henry has healed up and settled down so I can sit in my chair and write.
Crazy 8's
Dale Earnhardt Jr. drives the #8 car in NASCAR. I'm a NASCAR fan, but not a Republican. 9 out of 10 NASCAR fans are Republicans. Jr. is leaving his father's company to drive for someone else. His wicked step-mother owns the company now and she won't let him take the #8 with him. So now, all you crazy Republican idiots that had the #8 tattoo's plastered on your bodies because you were die-hard Jr. fans are stuck wondering who's gonna drive the #8 car. I would love to see Juan Pablo Montoya drive the #8 car. He's not Mexican, but he is Colombian. I'm sure all you Republican morons hate Colombians as much you hate Mexicans. It just keeps getting worse and worse for you Republicans. If you voted for Bush, live in a mobile home, and have the #8 tattooed on your ass, you're a Crazy 8.
Ed
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