dubyaD40.com - Inside Ed's Head

Inside Ed's Head

Patriot Guard Riders
By Ed
Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Ed here,

I owe a big apology to my very close friend Gordon. Gordy, I'm sorry I doubted you.

It all started about 6 months ago. My wife and I, along with Gordy and his wife, along with some other friends were in a bar knocking down a few cold ones. Gordy told us all that there were people harassing the families of fallen soldier's during the funerals of these soldiers. All in the name of God supposedly. My exact words were, "Gordy, you're full of shit". There was no way in the world that anyone would harass the families of our soldiers during a time of grief such as that. Not a Methodist, Catholic, Lutheran, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Islamic, Unitarian, Muslim, or Baptist. Not in this country. If I missed any I'm sorry, but I am very pissed off.

It seems that one Reverend (and I use that term very loosely) Fred Phelps has decided that America is under fire because God hates homosexuals. This is a man that was dis-barred when he was an attorney for what I understand was unethical practices. I can't say whether his dis-barring was justified because I don't know the specifics of his case, but knowing what he's doing now leads me to believe that the scumbag in question got off easy. Yes Fred, you are all SCUMBAG, in my opinion of course. The Westboro Baptist Church has a homepage that is beyond compare. God Hates Fags is in bold letters on the top of the page. They list the funerals of fallen soldiers so his followers can harass the families of these American Patriots. That's Just Wrong. By the way, most of his approximately 200 followers are his own family members. Whether you agree with the war in Iraq or not is not the issue. Personally I don't agree with it, but I would never harass a person during the loss of a loved one. Mr. (again I use that term loosely) Phelps, if you were truly a man of God, you would know that it is wrong to hate your fellow man. People like you make me think that censorship has it's place in American society.

Now to the point.

The Patriot Guard Riders

1. We show our respect for our fallen heroes, their families, and their communities.

2. SHIELD the mourning family and friends from interruptions created by any protester or group of protesters. We accomplish this through strictly legal and non-violent means.

I would encourage everyone to visit The Patriot Guard Riders web-site to learn more about us. We are a unified group that only cares about the families and friends of fallen soldiers. We can't allow people like Phelps to dis-respect our soldiers and their families in times of sorrow. I would also encourage you all to join The Patriot Guard Riders. This is a non-partisan group of people that only cares about our soldiers and their families. Politics aside, let's look out for them. They would do it for you.

ED

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Urgent Requirements
By Ed
Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Ed here,

I've got a copy of the Presidential Address in front of me. The first few paragraphs were typical Bush bull-shit, but the lines coming up really caught me off guard. Bush "First, the United States must secure its borders. This is the basic responsibility of a sovereign nation. It is also an urgent requirement of our national security. The border should be open to trade and lawful immigration, and shut to illegal immigrants, as well as drug dealers, and terrorists".

Excuse my French, but all I can say to that is "Fuck Me Gently Mr. President". All this time you've been telling me how you were the man to keep me safe from terrorism. Correct me if I'm wrong Mr. President. You've chosen to attack a country that had nothing to do with 9/11 rather than secure our borders from terrorists? Did this become an URGENT REQUIREMENT nearly 5 years after the attack on America? Mr. President, I realize that you're not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but please don't talk to me like I'm a stupid red-neck that's dumb enough to buy your line of shit.

Then Mr. President, you said "We cannot build a unified country by inciting people to anger, or playing on anyone's fears, or by exploiting the issue of immigration for political gain". Mr. President, please don't piss down my back and tell me that it's rain. This issue is an URGENT REQUIREMENT for the Republican Party in November. You know it, I know it, and so do the Republican pieces of shit that brought this issue up in the first place. You know that if the Republicans can hold the House and Senate in November, you and your oil buddies can keep fucking us for 2 more years, and you won't have to worry about being impeached. Seems that not using hot-button issues for political gain is going to be a new buzz-line for you Republicans this year. Yes Mr. President, I heard your wife saying the same thing about gay marriage just the other day.

WASHINGTON (CNN) Jan. 8, 2004
President Bush outlined a plan to revamp the nation's immigration laws and allow some 8 million illegal immigrants to obtain legal status as temporary workers.

Sounds like amnesty to me Mr. President. I know it can't be amnesty though, I'm sure that you said that you were not for amnesty. Mr. President, could that have been proposed for political gain? Something about the Latino vote in Nov. 2004. Hopefully the Latino population that is in this country legally is smart enough to see through you, considering the fact that nothing was done about immigration then, just as nothing will be done after these elections. If there were 8 million in 2004, and less than 2 1/2 years later, we have 12 million, it appears to me that you and your Republican buddies only care about this issue when there's an election at stake.

AP Boston Globe July 6, 2000
Bush pledged $500 million to cut the time needed to process an immigration application to 6 months. Bush said it took 3 to 5 years, but INS said it had taken 2 years, but had recently been reduced to 12 months. Bush's campaign believed the plan would resonate with Latino voters.

Imagine that. Seems to me that you Rebublican mushrooms should check his history. You would think that after having to listen to his shit over the years, you'd catch on. How stupid can you be?

Bush "To secure the border effectively, we must reduce the numbers of people trying to sneak across." Why didn't I think of that? I'll bet you have a plan for that don't you Mr. President? If you don't, I do, and I'm sure you'll like it. It goes like this; instead of letting companies move their operations to India and China, make them all move to Mexico. If you do that, all of the illegal immigrants will turn themselves in so we can pay to transport them back home. Problem solved Mr. President. You'll have to make sure that these jobs are the ones that only the laziest of Americans will do though. You'll want to make sure that they don't all want to go back home. Remember that you'll still need someone to wash your shit-stained drawers. If you'll put my plan into effect immediately, you and President Fox can quit bickering and get back to broke-back bull-fighting. Not that there's anything wrong with that. You're liking this plan more and more aren't you Mr. President? Don't bother thanking me for this plan Mr. President. I want to do whatever it takes to make this country safe from those terrorists that are crossing our borders.

The Democratic leadership needs to wake up. The Republicans are here to play hard-ball and the Democrats always seem to show up with wiffle-ball gear.

Facts are facts, and opinions are like ass-holes. I just showed you mine.

Ed

P.S. Try not to let your finger get caught in the garage door when you close it. It will swell up, turn blue, and hurt like a son-of-a-bitch until the nail falls off.

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Sing along with Ed
By Ed
Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Ed here,

At work Thursday I had the radio on and Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville came on. When it got to the part about wasting away, I couldn't help but feel I had to have my own version. I call it "America". I hope you'll all sing along with me, to the tune of Margaritaville. I know you all know that one.

"AMERICA"

Nibblin at the food bank
After fillin my gas tank
Grit's and spam hell it ain't all that bad
The economy's great now
Cause George Bush says so
ExxonMobil is covered with dough

Wastin away again here in America
Searchin for my un-employment forms
Some people say that there's a liberal to blame
But I know it's nobody's fault

I'm peddlin my bike now
So I can afford chow
Mac and cheese has got me cryin for more
Can't go to the doctor
No money for schools now
Just how high will this deficit soar

Wastin away again here in America
Searchin for my un-employment forms
Some people say that there's a liberal to blame
But I know hell it could be their fault

Nearly 3000 dead now
Your kid's and mine now
George and Dick they must really be proud
Mission accomplished
It's been 3 years now
If that's so then why're we at war

Wastin away again here in America
Searchin for my un-employment forms
Some people say that there's a liberal to blame
But I know It's W's fault

Yes and some people say that there's a liberal to blame
They always do but I know
IT'S W's FAULT

Thankyou, Thankyou very much,

Ed

(Editor's note: Lest our readers think that Ed copy-catted the sing-long idea from Zach Shuster, who submitted a couple of excellent song-versions to our Reader Rants section here and here, I just wanted to let you know that Ed submitted this week's column to us before those were posted. Perhaps the events of last week - the impending Rove indictments, the NSA spying fiasco blowing up in Bush's face, etc. inspired the artistic side of people, making them want to sing! Either way... Thanks Ed. And thanks Zach too.)

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Wal-Mart - The American Dream
By Ed
Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Ed here,

As I told you before, I like to inject some humor in my columns. Not the case today. I won't even try. So there'll be no talk of mushrooms or oaks. Wal-Mart is the so called American dream. At least for Sam Walton's kids. I think if he'd have known how it was gonna turn out, he'd have put a stop to it himself. Remember that Sam was very proud of the fact that he only sold goods made in America.

The Walton empire is a guide-line for the lion's share of what's wrong with this country today. Big business has robbed this country of all that our fathers and grandfathers worked so hard to build. Not to over-look our mothers and grandmothers. Politicians on both sides of the aisle (mostly republican, but democrats too), have chosen big money over our country. Little do they know or care, but they are cutting their own throats in the process.

There was a time in America's not too distant past, we were on the cutting edge of technology. Not so anymore. A time when "made in Japan" was a label on carnival toys and knick knacks. Those days are a distant memory. The American people invented and provided nearly all modern day technology to the world. Why in Sam's hell aren't we producing these goods now?

"The Computer That Wore Tennis Shoes"
A comedy movie in the 60's. I think a lot of you remember it. Do you remember the computer in the movie? Damn thing took up the whole room. Today we have cell-phones that do 1000 times the work and they fit in your pocket. Technology that big business and our government have given away to the highest bidder.

China, India, Brazil. Yes, Brazil has lower labor costs than even Mexico. These countries pay their workers next to nothing, and our politicians are allowing big business in the U.S. to buy these goods and sell them for astronomical profits. Why do you suppose Wal-Mart can sell goods as cheap as they do? Because they pay next to nothing for them to start with. And that way the rich get richer in China and the U.S.

Let's talk a little about Wal-Mart employees. Don't make shit for wages. Benefits? Wal-Mart has never offered them, and never will. Then the bastards hire retired people only to take out life insurance policies on them in hopes that they will die while still employed. Don't kid yourselves into thinking the family gets the money. What gets me about that is the fact that big business i.e. Wal-Mart is basically screwing the insurance companies, so in turn the insurance companies get to screw us. Bush and big business are scamming for profit, and someone voted for these vermin. Our lawmakers have OK'd this crap (OK one mushroom reference) and you moron Republican mushrooms are standing behind them. You ought to be proud of yourselves for that. After all, Clinton lied to congress about a damn blow-job.

Ok, time to get down to how we're cutting our own throats. Not too long ago America had factories. Transistor factories, diode factories, electrical relay factories. America was self-sufficient. We made everything we needed right here. Not anymore. We've become a service-related economy. What's worse, now Bush is providing incentives for companies like Gateway and others to move even our service jobs to other countries. Try calling Gateway for computer support. You'll get someone in India.

If this country ever has a crisis, or God forbid WW III, how will we ever provide the goods that we need. WW I, & WW II , those were times, had it not been for our mothers and grandmothers, this country would not have survived. But the difference between then and now is the fact that we had the factories. While the men were off to war, these great women did what they had to do to keep this country standing tall. For that I'm forever grateful. The women today would do the same if they had factories to do it in.

News Flash, no factories. The day that China and these other countries that we've grown to depend on so much decide to cut us off, what are we going to do then? So it is time to put Wal-Mart in its place and stop buying from them. If the employee's try to unionize at Wal-Mart, they just close the store and build another someplace else. Personally, I would rather pay more for goods from someone else.

Remember, opinions are like assholes, and I just showed you mine.
ED

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Baron Von Bush
By Ed
Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Ed here,

Is W really in charge of anything? At times I want to think that he is, but deep down, I'm pretty sure he's not. I'll give you my opinion on why he is, and then I'll give you my opinion why he isn't. I'll let you make the decision for me.

Does anyone remember Arbusto Oil? An oil company that GHW Bush made his old oil buddies pony up the cash so his son could change his name to Baron Von Bush. You see, oil barons like having cool names. And since the young baron was into flying machines (We know that because over a million of our tax dollars were wasted on training him), Baron Von Bush is a fitting name.

Just because someone is trained to fly jet fighters, that doesn't mean they are man enough to fly jet fighters. Off in the distance, Snoopy, piloting the Sopwith Camel (Real businessmen) is patrolling the skies just looking for the chance to take the Baron down. Air raid sirens are blaring. Out steps Baron Von Bush, leather flight helmet, parachute, goggles, and a scarf starched straight back. He looked like he was un-stoppable. A man ready to do battle. Laura off in the distance, praying for his safe return. She's proud, she's moist, and after all, she's the wife of a CEO. How could life get any better?

The Baron climbs into the cock-pit, fires it up, and down the run-way he goes, off into the wild blue yonder. Reality is starting to settle in, and since he has about 10 minutes before he meets up with Snoopy he starts getting scared. Determined to do Laura proud, he forges on. Then he see's the Camel (real businessmen) bearing down on him. He has no choice but to run for his life (Doesn't show up for his flight physical). He banks hard left, but in doing so he starts to piss his pants. Anyone ever heard the saying, "It scared the piss right outta me"? Fear can make a person do that on occasion. Snoopy was on him faster than he could say "What do I do now daddy?" Snoopy shoots out his tail rudder, and now he's spiraling downward. Smoke billowing from his bi-plane, he manages to bail out. Now, he's pissed his pants, and bailing out has left a tater in the back-side. Anyone ever heard the saying "It scared the shit outta me?" He pulls the parachute cord, but the chute gets caught in his starched scarf but he does manage to get it free and starts gliding to safety. Snoopy won't shoot at him while he's parachuting because he knows the Baron will be back with another plane bought by someone else.

When Laura saw him she wanted to know why he didn't take Snoopy out, and why his pants were wet. Knowing full well that she would believe anything he said, (just like you Republican mushrooms) he said the plane ran out of gas, and he spilled his cherry-coke in flight. She didn't see the tater; he wouldn't turn his back to her. She said that it was OK though because there were a lot more free planes out there.

That's why I think he might actually be in charge. Every business venture he's ever been involved with seems to have gone tits up. Budget surplus to the largest deficit in American history. That tells me he runs the country just like he ran his companies. All failures.

Now why I think he's not in charge of anything. This sounds a lot more logical to me. If he had someone telling him what to do in these failed business ventures, he might have actually turned a profit. The man has never built anything on his own merit. Anyone remember pinewood derby in the cub-scouts? He probably won, but it had to have been because daddy hired a NASCAR team to build his car for him. The people in charge are the same people that are making record profits and giving 390 million dollar retirement packages. THE OIL COMPANIES.

Remember, opinions are like ass-holes. I just showed you mine.

Ed

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