dubyaD40.com - Inside Ed's Head

Inside Ed's Head

Republicans Anonymous
By Ed
Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Ed here,
After seeing W, Cheney, and the rest of the Republican morons running this country into the ground, I know that a lot of you Republican mushrooms out there are beginning to have second thoughts. It's only natural. A lot of you can't be helped, but those of you having these second thoughts, there is help. Just as alcoholics have AA, and drug attics have NA, now you mushrooms have RA.

Ed's 12 step program to free yourselves from the Republican disease.

Step 1 - Stop singing "Stand by your man" on karaoke night at your local night spot. This will be the hardest of all for a lot of you.

Step 2 - Read the US Constitution and its amendments. Now read it again. Now read it again, and again. Ok read it one more time. The reason you have to keep reading it over and over is because W told you lies over and over and you believed them. So in order to break free, you need to learn the Constitution. Once you know the Constitution you'll see how the Republicans have been pissing on it since they took over.

Step 3 - Write "Exxon Mobil & Conoco Phillips should not control the American government" 100 times. You need to repeat these steps over and over because that's how you got into the predicament you're in.

Step 4 - Grab a beer, and celebrate. Duke got knocked out of the NCAA tournament.

Step 5 - When you are standing in the un-employment line, say "It's not Clinton's fault" until you get to the front of the line.

Step 6 - Here's another hard one. You have got to stop fantasizing about Condi Rice. Please don't relapse now, you've come too far. Personally, I wouldn't take her to a dog fight even if she was the defending champ.

Step 7 - Read the names of all American service men and women killed in Iraq. Considering the fact that Iraq never fired a shot at us, you only need to do this once. The list has nearly 2500 names so it will take a while. Also remember while you are reading these names that the people sending these kids to their deaths didn't have the guts to serve in the military themselves.

Step 8 - Take a hard look at America's economy. You'll see that our economy has been spiraling downward since Pres. Clinton left office.

Step 9 - Take a look at the government's handling of Hurricane Katrina. Now ask yourself if it would have been handled the same way if Katrina had hit Houston Texas?

Step 10 - You have to get this one because it's very important. Trying to make yourself look good by making others look bad isn't productive. We all work with people like that, and none of us like them. W and the boys attack others relentlessly to take the spotlight off themselves. If you really look at what W and the boys have actually done since they got there, you'll run them out of town yourself.

Step 11 - Don't allow them to throw religion at you. God doesn't care if you are Democrat or Republican. He doesn't care if you are American or Chinese or Iraqi. Just because someone has different views than you concerning religion doesn't mean they are bad people.

Step 12 - This is the easiest step of all. Change your voting registration from Republican to Democrat. You don't have to be Democrat if you don't want to. Go Independent if that is easier for you. Now vote for candidates because of their record, not because of what they say or who they say it about.

Congratulations; you are now free to think for yourself. Remember opinions are like ass-holes, I just showed you mine.

Ed

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Stupidity
By Ed
Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I did my usual and got up Sun. morning and wrote my column. But it's Mon. afternoon and I have to write a new one. I promise that I will maintain my normal time limit. Not because the one I wrote I didn't want posted. I'm changing topic because I realized how stupid I am.

I like Sen. Joe Biden. I don't like everything he does, but you show me a person that likes everything a politician does and I'll show you a Republican. When I'm told by other Democrats that they don't like Sen. Biden, they don't tell me I'm stupid for liking him. They tell me the reasons why they don't like him. We have 4 people writing columns here at dubyaD40.com. I've heard from 2 of them concerning my liking Sen. Biden. They don't think he's the man for the job. I respect that, but neither of them told me I was stupid for liking him. They told me some reasons why they don't like Sen. Biden for the nomination. And that's OK by me, because I never once said I was a smart man. Maybe I'll look closer at him.

What I'm having a problem with is when I'm told I'm stupid for liking Sen. Biden by a person that voted for W, and still likes him. After all, Sen. Biden is not illiterate. W on the other hand, you've got to wonder. There are a lot of people out there kicking themselves in the ass for voting for W.

Didn't W say "Most all of the imports that come into the U.S. are from overseas"? I have to agree with W on that.
Didn't W say "Outsourcing American jobs is good for America"? It's good for big business, but not for America.
Wasn't W in charge when the worst attack on Americans happened at the World Trade Center? This is the man that can keep America secure?
Didn't W say "Wow Brazil is big". See there, so far I've agreed with W on 2 issues.
Didn't W say "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law". Make that 3.
Has W been in charge while we've gone from a budget surplus to the biggest budget deficit in American history?
Didn't W say "Brownie you're doing a hell-of-a-job"? Maybe you should ask the Katrina victims that, or as Laura Bush calls them, Carina victims.
Didn't W say "Don't buy gas if you don't need it"? Hey W, I only pull into the gas-station when I'm on E. Just in case you're not sure, E means empty.
Didn't W say "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way"? I believe him on that one, because if we kill those people he won't be able to use them to scare Americans anymore. You can't tell me that Osama can't be found. As long as he's out there, W can use him to his advantage.
Didn't W say "I appreciate my love for Laura"? I would too if I was you, she's not a bad
looking bird. I don't think she's getting much though. Maybe you should let a middle-aged black man have a shot at her. Better not though, you know what they say about blacks, it's twue, its twue.
Didn't W say "You work 3 jobs? Uniquely American isn't it? I think it's fantastic that you're doing that". W has never worked a job in his life, how can he say that's uniquely American?
Didn't W say "It would be a lot easier if this was a dictatorship as long as I'm the dictator"? The moron can't spell dictator let alone be one.
Didn't W say "They mis-underestimated me"? Mis-underestimated me? You're shittin' me right?
Didn't W say "They want the Federal Government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program"? You're shittin me again, right?
Didn't W say "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning"? You're right on that, because most people want to know why their children aren't learning. Maybe it's because you and the other Republican dogs are raping the education funds.
Didn't W say "Never again in the halls of Washington DC do I want to make explanations I can't explain"? I can't explain that.
Didn't W say "It's your money, you paid for it"? W, you've got me there. I don't have a response to that.
Didn't W say "I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun"? Personally I don't think juveniles toting guns around is a good thing.
Didn't W say "As you know there are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say"? More dictator shit eh George.
Didn't W say "We had a chance to visit with Teresa Nelson, who's a parent, and a mom or a dad"? Does that mean that W is open to gay marriage?
Didn't W say "Security is the essential roadblock to achieving a road-map to peace"? Road-map to peace. As of 3/11/06 we've lost 2463 Americans in Iraq. You couldn't find peace if you had a GPS system.
This one is my favorite. W actually said this. "I'm the master of low expectations". No, you're not the master, your dad is, because everyone knows he's your master, and they don't get much lower than you.
Didn't W say "I'm not very analytical, you know I don't spend a lot of time thinking about myself, and why I do things". What really gets me is the fact that he could say analytical.

These statements are just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on. Believe it or not, W said all of these stupid remarks.

The fact is that I was called stupid for liking Sen. Joe Biden, by someone that likes George Bush. I have a problem with that. Normally the Republicans only attack people that are a threat to them. John Kerry is a fine example. The Republicans made Sen. Kerry out to be the bad guy even after he served his country. Purple hearts to prove it. W on the other hand couldn't find time to take a physical to get his wings, because if he was a pilot he could end up in Viet Nam. We all know that wasn't going to happen. So maybe Sen. Biden is a threat to the Republicans. If he is, they will make things up about him. Time will tell.

So if I'm stupid for liking Sen. Biden, what does that say about you Bush supporters? I'd say it makes you a lot worse than stupid.

Remember, opinions are like ass-holes. I just showed you mine.

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DOWNFALL OF THE GOP
By Ed
Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I like to give credit where credit is due. Last week, the voices in my head told me that the Dubai Deal was a smoke-screen for the GOP in the 06 elections. They said there would be no vote. They said there was no way the GOP would allow an Arab country to have control of these 6 ports. They also told me that they didn't know how the Democrats could turn the tables on the plan, but it could be done. I believe Sen. Schumer did it by attaching a forced vote on the deal with a bill the GOP wanted passed. Go figure, the bill that the GOP wanted so badly was suddenly delayed so the GOP could re-group. Then the Republicans decided to tell W to kill the deal. They told me that the GOP wouldn't cut their own throats. They were right on all of these issues.

So give it up for Guido, Buford, and Oswald. Wait, I guess I forgot to tell you that my voices also have names.

I do believe they were wrong about one thing though. Well, only half wrong. They said that W would go down in history as one of the worst presidents if not the worst that this country has ever had. They all agreed on that and I have to say without a doubt that he will go down as the worst. We will be lucky to survive the W era. 4 out of 5 aren't too bad though.

Imagine what I have to go through sometimes. Guido has an opinion that is different from Buford's, which is different from Oswald's, and they are all different than mine. You wonder why I drink. Now you know. We do have a system that we all agreed upon to come together though. We thumb wrestle. I seem to always lose though. Try thumb wrestling someone that's invisible. You can't beat them. I'm still trying to figure out why I agreed to the whole thumb wrestling thing. I think they suckered me into it while I was drinking. Sometimes I really don't like those guys. But they are smarter than me so I trust them most of the time.

Guido told me that the GOP is starting to come un-raveled. Buford, Oswald and I still aren't convinced. They are very good at stealing from the poor to give more to the rich, then making the mushrooms feel that they are right. We've decided that Buford will thumb-wrestle Guido on this issue. Buford has really big hands. This match lasted about 5 min. but Buford won. Guido is appealing the call as we speak. The ref said no, Buford wins.

Oswald told me that with W being as stupid as he is and so many Republicans following him that there is no way the Democrats can lose in the 06 elections. Guido and Buford are siding with me. We feel that if the Democrats don't start playing offense we can be beaten again. We can't cater to the extreme left. We need to make people that are middle of the road people feel welcome in the Democratic Party. We need to be forceful and not allow the GOP to make us look weak. Guido wants to defend us, but we've decided on Buford again. Did I tell you he has big hands? Piece of cake, the match lasted about 8 seconds. Buford was all over Oswald like a cheap suit.

Buford told me that W is going to be impeached. Guido, Oswald and I don't think so. You see, if that was to happen, that would put a dagger in the heart of the GOP. So they will all come together no matter what W does. They all know that W and Cheney belong in the penitentiary, but most of them probably belong there too. I wanted to give it a go against Buford, but Guido and Oswald know I always lose. Guido is on deck. Shortest match I've ever seen. 2 seconds. Guido is very very fast. I was worried about that one, but Guido got it done.

We all agree that the Democratic Party can regain credibility if we pick the right people to carry the torch. It can't be another Al Gore or John Kerry. It has to be someone that is willing take the team on his shoulders and beat the Republicans at their own game. He's out there, and he's not Hillary.

Every morning on my way to work I listen to The Todd & Tyler Show from Omaha Nebraska. Friday morning Sen. Joe Biden called in and confirmed that he was going to seek the nomination for president representing the Democratic Party. I told the guys that Sen. Joe Biden from the great state of Delaware will be a great choice for the Democrats in 2008. He's a man we can depend on to do the right thing. He's a man that will talk to you, not talk down to you. He cares about people. He cares about America. I will do anything I can in the great state of Iowa to help him get the Democratic nomination for president. He's a no-nonsense man that will look you in the eyes and tell you the truth even if that's not what you want to hear. I encourage all Democrats and you mushrooms out there to take a close look at Sen. Biden. I promise that you will like what you see. Whew, Guido, Buford, and Oswald all agree with me. Good thing I didn't have to thumb-wrestle.

Remember that opinions are like ass-holes, I just showed you 4 of them.

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Dubai Ports Deal (and then some)
By Ed
Wednesday, March 8, 2006

How many of you out there think that the Dubai is about an Arab country running 6 of our major shipping ports? I have a feeling that most everyone does. The voices in my head say otherwise. And I believe them. Right now, a lot of you are probably scratching your heads saying "Ed you've gone off the deep end on this".

The Dubai deal in my opinion is about the 2006 elections. If you think about it for a few minutes, you'll see what I mean. W's approval ratings are dropping faster than a French prizefighter. Besides, what has he got to loose? He's going down in history as one of the worst presidents this country has ever had, if not the worst. We all know that W isn't calling the shots, and never has. At first, even I thought they actually wanted it. But the voices in my head sat me down and explained why I was so wrong. The Republicans calling the shots have no intention of letting an Arab country have control of 6 of our major shipping points. Never did. They are up to something far more sinister, and I don't think anyone is seeing it.

With the 2006 elections only about 9 months away, they are posturing. Having control of the House and the Senate is something they will do anything to hold on to. They've been doing that since 1996 when they figured out the fact that child psychology works on adults better than on children. After all, how does anyone get his ass kicked by a guy named Newt? The Dubai deal is another example of the Republicans using child psychology on America. The voices just told me to get to the point.

The only winners in the Dubai deal are going to be Republicans. HUH? I said it. After the so-called 45 day period to re-evaluate the deal, I think the Republicans will be saying it can't go through. There will be no voting on it because it could erode support in the major Republican strong-holds. The biggest winners will be the Republicans that are expecting a dog-fight in November. They can say "I opposed the Dubai deal", knowing full well that it wasn't going to happen in the first place. But to repeat myself, child psychology works. You see it happening all over. Several Republicans have come out against it. My guess is that nearly 100% of Americans are against this deal. The ones that say its OK are just hard-core Republicans that would slow-cook a pile of shit if W said it tastes better that way. If you think the Republican master-minds don't know that AMERICA is against it, you are wrong. They will not cut their own throats. I don't see a way that the Democrats can use the Dubai deal to their advantage. The voices in my head say that there is, but since the voices aren't much smarter than me, someone else is going to have to figure out how to do it.

Opinions are like ass-holes, I just showed you mine. Since this was so short, I'd like to tell you about something from my childhood.

A Weekend with My Grandparents

When I was a young boy, I used to spend weekends with my grandparents. Usually it was because Gramps needed help around the farm. I wasn't much help to him, but I think he just liked spending time with his grandkids one on one. I don't know if Gramps was a Democrat or Republican. That really doesn't matter though. What I do know is that he was a good judge of character, and a great man. Grams; that woman could cook. Man I ate like a king. She always made me whatever I wanted. Gramp's didn't have a choice of what he wanted for dinner when the grandkids were there. He didn't mind though, he enjoyed the time he got to spend with us kids.

Anyway, on this particular weekend, me and Gramps were going to butcher 2 hogs. When my parents told me what we were going to do that weekend, I thought, cool; that sounded fun. It was about the middle of Oct. and the temps would get down to the middle to low 30's at night. Gramps said that was a good time of year to do this because we could dress and hang the hogs on Saturday, and by Sunday morning they would be cooled down and ready for the actual meat-cutting.

I was awake at about 5:00 Saturday morning. I couldn't wait to get started. Then reality set in. We actually had to kill these hogs. That wasn't in my game plan. That was the only time I ever saw Gramps with a gun in his hand. If killing them wasn't bad enough, then it got worse. We started gutting them out and the kick-ass breakfast that Grams made me before we started exited from the same hole it went in. I threw my guts up. Gramps was having a ball. Looking back, now I know why Gramps had such a big smile on his face before we started. Then we skinned them, did all the prep work, and hung them to cool.

My grandparents lived out-side of a small farming community. So on the week-ends people would get together for dancing and socializing on Saturday nights. It was great fun. The three of us went to the community center and had a great time. When it was over, we went back to the farm and went to bed.

Now I have to tell you about the theft. Gramps and I got up early to start finishing out the hogs. Grams put on her normal kick-ass breakfast and we headed out back. Then the shit happened. One of the hogs was gone. The first thing out of gramps mouth was "got damn Democrat stole a hog". You see, gramps wouldn't say god damn, it was always got damn. In the house he went. "Got damn Democrat stole a hog" he said to grams. She just shook her head, and said that who-ever took it probably needed it worse than we did. She wasn't too worried about it. She was that way. Gramps kept saying "got damn Democrat's". Finally I had to ask, "gramps, how do know it was a Democrat that took the hog"? He said "a got damn Republican would have taken both of them". Looking back, I learned 2 valuable lessons that day. I learned that Grams was a very compassionate person, and that Gramps was one hell-of-a-judge of character. Got damn I had a good time that week-end

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The GOP
By Ed
Wednesday, March 1, 2006

I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but I've been trying to keep my curse words to a minimum. So I'll do my best to keep it that way, but no promises. This piece of shit I have to call my president has decided to turn over control of our major shipping ports to an Arab Company. WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON? How can the AMERICAN PEOPLE allow this? This sorry piece of shit has decided that an Arab owned company (that is controlled by the Arab government that it resides in) is going to look out for our best interests. United Arab Emirates. If that don't smell like oil money I'll kiss your ass. The sorry SOB has been re-paying favors ever since he got into office. Now his ol-man is repaying his favors. Bottom line. These sorry bastards couldn't care less about THE UNITED STATES......................

All the Bush family cares about is how rich they can get, and how much power they can get. The real problem is the fact that the GOP has decided to follow the Bush family. I've come to the conclusion that these people think they can take over the world. They don't want the U.S. They want it all. Does anyone remember Adolph Hitler? He was going to take it all. And if you remember what happened to him, you'll get a glimpse of what's going to happen to us if we keep letting this piece of dog-shit play his bullshit game.

Now to my point. I don't mind the fact that even though Al Gore won the popular vote, he lost the election. You see, the Electoral College is a good thing. Even if it doesn't work out in our favor. For good or bad, our Constitution is the best thing out there. I lived in Europe 4 years and I lived in the Far East 1 1/2 years. Nothing comes close to being an AMERICAN. When Bush was talking about being a dictator we all thought he was joking. In a pig's ass, the son of a bitch was serious.

First, how in the hell is a company from outside the U.S. controlling our major ports? I don't know if it was Republicans or Democrats that let this happen in the first place. To tell you the truth, I don't care. I don't care if they're a British owned company or an Arab owned company. They've got no business controlling our major shipping ports. What would have happened if Bill Clinton had made this deal? Let's examine that thought. First, my guess is that the ranchers and their faithful crop might not have called for impeachment. You probably think they would have, but I don't think so. I know what you're saying now. Ed, you don't have a clue. But I do, I do. You see, lying about a blowjob because you are married is an impeachable offense (according to the GOP). Turning our major shipping ports over to an Arab owned company and compromising our national security is not (according to the GOP). If it were, the wheels would be in motion.

I'm watching my favorite comedy channel right now. I'm hearing all the reasons why giving UAE our ports is not such a bad idea. Yes, I'll admit it; my favorite comedy channel is none other than Fox News. We've got 2 Barbie doll look-alikes and what appears to be a gay black man (not that there‘s anything wrong with that). All 3 saying the same thing. The Democrats can't keep this country secure. I expect that from Barbie and Skipper, but come on bro. They'll never stand for you being Ken. Oh sure, they act like you're one of them. You can bet that they'd as soon spit on you as look at you. You better not touch them; a lot of them still think the black rubs off. Being a middle aged black man, and a damn fine dancer I might add, I know that it doesn't. But you can bet they're not taking any chances.

All in all, I had a great week. If any of you read my first column you'd know I said if I pissed you off or made you smile, then I did my job. I'm finally getting some hate mail. In fact, one that I got this week from a guy that I won‘t name (you know who you are, and I know you‘ll be back. Deep down, you like old Ed). He was pissed and amused. Now I wasn't sure how to react to that. I expected one or the other, but never both at the same time. He said that I stray from the topic. I probably do. I also hear voices, and they are telling me that maybe he has issues. Either way, thanks. I don't have a problem if you're not sure what side of the fence you want to be on. I'll like you either way.

After all that, The GOP used to stand for the Grand Old Party. There was a time in our nations history The GOP was actually a good thing. Those days are gone. So to me, the GOP stands for Greedy Oil Producers. I like the 2 party system we have, because it's good for our country. It keeps the freaks from being so freaky (on both sides of the aisle). I give the GOP credit for standing up against guys like Nixon, but you need to open your eyes to this group we have now. Democrat or Republican, we're all Americans and we can't allow this to go on any longer. Those voices in my head are telling me that, and I believe them.

Again, remember that opinions are like ass-holes. I just showed you mine.

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