dubyaD40.com - Clyde's Corner

Clyde's Corner

"The NASCAR Liberal" clyde@dubyaD40.com


Am I really a liberal? by Clyde 7:56 AM Why do we need to define our political views in such narrowly defined terms? Personally, I believe it comes from the media. Think about it, before the advent of the radio people would describe themselves as Democrat or Republican. But now it is not enough to just be one or the other, now we have to define our political leanings down to the size of a tick's ass. I proudly claim myself as a liberal but does that mean that I do not have some views that many would consider to be conservative? I admit, on several issues some may view my stance as conservative. For example; The death penalty I believe in it period end of story. I feel that should you murder someone, society has the right to murder you right the fuck back. Now many of those in the opposition to the death penalty will point their finger at me and claim that I am no liberal because of my support. The military I believe that this country should have the biggest baddest Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps on the planet. I want my country's military to be able to inflict the maximum amount of damage and with the minimal amount of casualties. Now is that a liberal view of the issue, many would say no. All too often though, we do not look to the underlying reasoning for someone's view on a particular subject. We either raise up or denounce that person's views because it either supports or deviates from the confines of our definition of the political ideology. While I believe in the death penalty, I do not believe in its imposition willy nilly. To me, that sentence is to only be used when there is incontrovertible proof of the person's guilt. I would much rather the guilty be set free than the innocent be wrongfully convicted. And while I believe in a strong military, I do not believe that military to be used offensively. I believe that you only use that military when all other efforts have been completely exhausted. War is the last resort, without exception. Now does this mean that I am not liberal? Does the fact that I believe that every American has the right to the best healthcare without regard to their social standing mitigate someone else's definition of my political leaning? Does the fact that I believe that the government should provide a much larger safety net for our nation's elderly through higher Social Security benefits blur the lines of someone's preconceived political definition? Excluding the truly politically fanatical nut cases, most people cannot be defined as being one thing or another. Think about it, how can we allow ourselves to be pigeonholed when in fact we are as diverse in viewpoints as we are as people? Just because someone has blue eyes and blonde hair does not automatically make them of German descent. Look at how we allow ourselves to be described by others. For example; Values voters When you hear that description do you not automatically think of the religious right? The fact of the matter is that all voters are values voters. But because we have been programmed to accept that description as only applicable to the Bible thumpers, the true meaning of the description has been lost. When one thinks of all the different descriptions of political ideology, how can anyone claim to be of one political philosophy. Look at the terms we use and see: We have Neo-cons, Liberals, Libertarians, Socialists, Fascists, Communists, Imperialists, Anarchists, Secularists, Dominionists, Corporatists, Capitalists, Isolationists, Blue Dogs, Yellow Dogs, Greens, Social conservatives, Fiscal conservatives, Pro-war, Anti-war, Plutocrats and so on. After looking at that list, can anyone imagine why we are so divided? Just asking. Permalink :: 0 comments :: Post a Comment

Rudy and a day at the races by Clyde 8:29 AM Showcasing Rudy Giuliani at a NASCAR race makes about as much sense as Michael Vick giving the keynote address at the ASPCA. The fact that he had the balls to even show up is almost too onerous to mention. Almost! Rudy, you do not show up to an event where shirtsleeves are as optional as teeth and that's just the women folk, wearing a Brooks Brothers suit! First off, the folks who go to NASCAR races only wear suits on two occasions, weddings, or funerals. That's it, and only the caliber of the firearm clues you into which it is. Second, being classy in NASCAR means you can't see bra straps when your old lady wears a tube top. Finally, where the fuck was your ball cap? Don't you know that you have to have something on top of your head just so you can remove it in order to show your patriotism ya fucking geek! Next up on the hit parade Mr. Mayor is the fact that NASCAR does not have a 9/11 car! Now there is a #9 car and a #11 but I doubt if Kasey Kahne and Denny Hamlin are willing to drive into each other like they were Mohammed Atta and the other was a skyscraper just so you can make another false claim of leadership during a "time of crisis." God, what a fucking dweeb! As an ex-prosecutor do you think it is appropriate to talk about the benefits of ethanol to a group of individuals who participate in a sport that traces its roots to running moonshine? Here's a group of folks who know more about corn squeezings than a proctologist and you want to tell them about alternative fuels! What the fuck do you think they were burning in their cars, Shell Premium? Hey Moran, get a clue! Now, I admit that being you were once married to your cousin buys you some NASCAR cred but you lost that when you decided to serenade The Donald wearing sequins and pearls. Somehow I cannot imagine Cletus being overly thrilled knowing that a cross dressing New York City elitist is sashaying his ass down pit road singing show tunes. Of course I could be wrong, how are your pig squealing skills? Which brings me to my final point, I know when you were kicked out of the Mayoral Mansion by your second wife because she found out you were banging your soon to be third wife, during the interim you moved in with a couple of gay men. Well you silly savage, I would like to be the first to inform you that in the world of NASCAR, 'getting a guy loose in the rear as you drive it hard into the corner" does not have any sexual implications. "Bump drafting your partner" makes you "go" faster not the other way around and the "Jack man" is only in the middle because it is the best place there is to get the whole side of the car off the ground. Now go back to chanting 9/11 in between invocations of Ronald Reagan and stay the fuck away from my NASCAR You Fuck! Permalink :: 1 comments :: Post a Comment

This week in the news 11-8-07 by Clyde 8:19 AM This week's top story is that there is no story. There is no pretty white girl missing and presumed dead, Paris Hilton is not in jail, Britney has begun crossing her legs in public, and Rita Cosby has been sighted almost as often as a Himalayan yeti. Oil jumped over two dollars a barrel this week amid rumors that a rabbit farted on a pipeline in Outer Mongolia. The corrosive effects of the carrot smelling cottontail flatulence could seriously hamper the world's oil supply and industry experts said the increase in price was necessary in order to secure the services of one Elmer Fudd. Fudd, who currently works security for Blackwater USA said it is going to take a shitload of money to get him to hunt down the wascally wabbit. Congressman and presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich attempted to insert a spine into the Democratic caucus this week by introducing an impeachment resolution against vice president Darth Cheney. But once again, the invertebrate Democratic leadership decided to try and table the motion. At least Mr. Lubner had the excuse that he was BORN without a spine. Gudy Riuliani received an endorsement from Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson. Riuliani welcomed the endorsement and added that he hoped that with a steady diet of Robertson's age defying pancakes will help him keep up his virility through the next family reunion. Speaking of endorsements, did you hear that the junior Senator from Kansas, Sam Brownback endorsed former rival John McCain for president yesterday? Neither did I. Former Illinois governor George Ryan went to jail this week after being convicted of giving patronage jobs to his friends. While many applaud the conviction and incarceration of the former head of state, many want to know if it could be applied to Dick Cheney and his dealings with Halliburton. Never happen, Cheney has no friends because he can't find anyone who isn't allergic to bird shot. Question: do you think midgets ever have little get-togethers? The thriving democracy in Pakistan is on the brink of collapse after president Pervez Musharraf began a crack down on political opponents this week. Upon hearing the news that Pakistan is a nukular power, PresiDunce George W. Bush decided to forego his wish to invade and instead issued a strong rebuke of his ally's tactics by telling him that "you can't be president and leader of the military at the same time." Can you say "irony" defined? The man who uses his "commander in chief" rationale to promote his agenda is now telling another despot that he needs to take off his military uniform. Besides, Pakistan's idea of an aircraft carrier is a rubber dingy and you can't translate "Mission Accomplished" anyway. Finally: Who said neo-cons are not over achievers? It took every president from George Washington to Ronald Reagan to take this country into a trillion dollars worth of debt. Well it only took 27 years for the fiscally conservatives in Washington to increase that debt too over 9 trillion. Now that's a story to tell your grandkids about except you won't have to, they'll know it all too well. Permalink :: 0 comments :: Post a Comment

It seems I'm delusional by Clyde 8:22 AM In my last column I asserted that this country is on the cusp of another New Deal era and for some inexplicable reason a reader thought I was being as delusional as George W. Bush. Now I have been called a lot of things in my life but intimating that there is anything similar between the Chief Chimp in Charge with me is a lot like comparing Fox News to journalism. According to the dictionary, delusional is defined as "a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact." In other words, you are being delusional if you think that Ann-dy Coulter is naturally self lubricating during sexual congress or that Bill O'Reilly can walk through the Loofa section of the local A&P without popping a chubby through his Dockers. It isn't delusional to recognize the similarities that brought about the New Deal and what is happening today. In fact, I believe it to be pragmatic at the worst and prescient at best. The fact of the matter is that this country is currently in a perfect storm for a serious upheaval in all matters political. Like it or not people are beginning to get as pissed off as Sean Hannity flying coach and it is only a matter of time before something gets done to appease the masses. I mean, think about it. During the Hoover Administration the only people making money were the ultra-wealthy and those lucky enough to have a job were scared that they were going to lose it. You had a president that believed the federal government did not have a responsibility to help the people because that was the job of State governments and private charities. The government had a pissed off military because it had went back on its promises and corporate regulation was a thing of the past. Is that not what we have happening right now? Admittedly, it isn't quite as bad as it was during the Depression but does anyone actually believe that the American people have been so dumbed down that they will not revolt like our great grandparents did and vote for change. Are we so stupid that we cannot grasp the realities like people whose morning constitutional ended with a page out of the Sears catalog? Granted, our parents and grandparents commuted to school in sub-zero weather with no shoes, uphill, both ways, ate dirt for lunch and were damn thankful for it, but come on! To the people of the era, a megabyte was a large spoonful of gruel, the remote control for the newfangled AM radio was the youngest in the room and it is believed that almost 2 million people thought the "War of the Worlds" broadcast was real! Puh-Leaze! Surely we are not that gullible anymore. I know that we are being force fed a daily serving of tripe in the form of the latest sighting of Britney's cooch or Paris tongue wrestling some guys nads like she was searching for the chewy middle, but have we not gotten just a little smarter than that? The fact of the matter is that people are tired of mega-bonuses for CEO's while Joe Six-Pack has to take it in the ass like an unwilling prison bitch. They are pissed that the presiDunce worries more about bringing freedom to the people of Iraq than he ever did for them. If truth be told, just as with the New Deal, change will not happen overnight. When FDR was first elected it was after the Democrats had made great gains in the congress in the previous election, just like now. The Republicans fought every initiative or piece of legislation pushed by the Democrats as if it was a Rush Limbaugh drug investigation, just like now. So until I'm proven wrong I'm sticking to my belief like I was Baghdad Bob repelling the Yankee Horde. If proven wrong, I'll blame it on the last tab of blotter I took in '85. (Side note: Dee, I did it just for you.) Permalink :: 2 comments :: Post a Comment