dubyaD40.com - Clyde's Corner

Clyde's Corner

"The NASCAR Liberal" clyde@dubyaD40.com


A Call to Arms by Clyde 8:29 AM There's only 89 days to go, Bill O'Reilly has yet to start the "War on Christmas." So, in the spirit of bi-partisanship I thought I would fire the first volley. Santa Claus - Socialist or Corporatist? I'm here to dispel the myth that Santa Claus as some kind of benevolent benefactor and expose his true identity as a Republican corporatist with a strong totalitarian streak. When one looks at the body of evidence, whether in part or as a totality, you cannot walk away from the fact that the stories we have heard about Santa a.k.a. Kris Kringle, are nothing more than a pack of lies. These falsehoods have been twisted in order to make them more palatable to the masses by a willing, and as corrupt, media. Item #1 - Labor Relations When Mr. Claus decided to set up his factories, did he use the best possible materials and design thereby insuring his workforce was not in any undue danger? Were there any inspections of the structure by any governmental agency responsible for adherence to building codes, specifications and zoning ordinances? As yet, I have not seen any documented evidence that such work conditions exist or have been deemed acceptable by any person or persons qualified to make such determinations. What is known is that Mr. Claus's workforce is forced to work from sunup to sundown with only minimal breaks and/or rest periods. In addition, Mr. Claus has not published his pay structure or benefit plan thereby thwarting any oversight by the Department of Labor. Mr. Claus has not shown any inclination of allowing his elves to unionize or take part in any collective bargaining. His continued use of former schoolteacher and current spouse Jessica Claus (maiden name unknown) as human resources manager does not bode well with the promotion of "retribution free" access for elfin employees to air any grievances they may have. Much like the coal towns of Appalachia in the early 20th century, Mr. Claus forces his workforce to reside in his privately owned village and shop at stores that are completely under his control. Item #2 - Trade Policy Mr. Claus manufactures exclusively for export and appears to deny access to products of any kind to North Polians. Mr. Claus does not pay any tariffs, import taxes or duties on his wares nor does he allow the import of any American goods thereby creating a sizable trade imbalance. While Mr. Claus appears to allow the receipt of mail, upon investigation it appears that Mr. Claus has made deals with individual governments to respond to all correspondence intended for his perusal. It does not appear that Mr. Claus compensates these governments for this work placing an undue financial burden upon each country's taxpayers. Item #3 - Education The best example of Mr. Claus's views on education is the plight of Hermey Elf. You see, when Hermey was young he had no desire to make toys, Hermey wanted to be a dentist. But much like the Communist Chinese, Hermey was forced to labor in the toy factory and any expression of his penchant for orthodontics was met with derision and disdain. Hermey was forced to flee on foot and immigrate to the Island of Misfit Toys in order to realize his dream. It was only when he was successful in placating the Abominable Snowman through the use of his skills in orthodontia that Mr. Claus has seen the benefit of Hermey's talent. However, despite this realization, it does not appear that Mr. Claus has sought to provide other elfin children with the means to achieve their dreams through a viable public education system or a "No Elf Left Behind" mandate. Item #4 - Discrimination and the Denial of Rights Santa Claus's record on civil rights is abysmal and it is best exemplified by Charlie-in-the-Box. Charlie, much like the lepers of old, was banished to the Island of Misfit Toys simply because of his name. Through no fault of his own, Charlie did not meet with Mr. Claus's enormously high standards and was therefore relegated to a life of despair. Then there is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. This is truly a very sad and tragic tale. Born with a birth defect, poor Rudolph was not allowed to participate in any activities with other young reindeer, And in an effort to please his boss, Santa, Donner thought it wise to hide young Rudolph's deformity. It was only when the climate conditions interfered with Mr. Claus's commerce that young Rudolph was allowed to display his unique talent of luminescent navigation. Item #5 - Criminal Background This is possibly the worst trait of the man we call Santa. His record of disregard for the law is as long as it is despicable. First, as a fugitive from justice, Claus saw fit to take possession of property that did not belong to him. On said property, Claus runs his criminal empire with impunity. While the charges have been dropped by the Sombertown District Attorney, even that action smells of corruption. Bribery is one of the most heinous of all crimes and I contend that one government official, Burgermeister Meisterburger, accepted a payoff from Mr. Claus in order to secure a pardon ala Marc Rich. In addition, from his criminal lair at the North Pole, Mr. Claus annually violates the sovereign airspace of almost every nation on the earth. Taking advantage of porous borders and compliant governments Mr. Claus is allowed to smuggle his wares, at his discretion. When asked for a comment, presidential hopeful Tom Tancredo declined. Item #6 - Morality It is his "do as I say not as I do" mentality that convinces me of Mr. Claus Republicanism. While he rewards those who adhere to his ministrations, he callously punishes those who do not; while he commits acts of adultery ala David Vitter, Judy Riuliani, Newt Gingrich and others. Think of the precious little cherub who has the misfortune to witness his or her mother locked in a passionate sexual act with Mr. Claus underneath the mistletoe. Should said child keep quiet, they get a reward while those who put voice to their observations are given lumps of coal. Through the use of aliases, one can only guess at to what acts of depravity this man has committed. When one considers that in Europe he goes by the moniker of Father Christmas which when coupled with the Catholic sex scandal, one must rethink his penchant for communing with little people ala Mark Foley. In many instances, Santa is referred to as St. Nick, but it is only when eggnog is involved that he becomes Jolly Ole St. Nick which bears one to question if the man in the red suit has a chemical dependency. In conclusion, through the evidence I have presented it is plain that Santa Claus is not someone who deserves the adoration of the young and old alike. But in fact, should be demonized and removed from public acceptability. Being that Christmas is affiliated with such a sick twisted and depraved individual such as Santa Claus, we must end it and force those who practice it into hiding. Just like Osama. If for nothing else, we must do it for the children. I'm looking out for you. Happy Holidays Permalink :: 1 comments :: Post a Comment

Don't Tase Me Bro by Clyde 7:56 AM Andrew Meyer went to the John Kerry forum at Florida University with the intention of stirring up shit and he got his wish! Now, I will probably get into trouble with a lot of you over this but contrary to what you hear on Randi Rhodes, Mr. Meyer is not some poor little lamb that was abused by the police. This man, he is not a kid, butted his way to the front of the line and went on a diatribe in front of his own camera. Another little factoid that Ms. Rhodes fails to accept is the fact that he did not ask an inconvenient question, he asked questions and was not in the mood for an answer. He was, simply put, trying to make a scene and he did. He was being disruptive and it infringed on the rights of the other people in attendance. There is a thing called decorum and this young man abused it as if it were a congressional page. Society demands certain behavior and that was not acceptable in my opinion. While he has a right to free speech, that does not give him the right to take what precious little time other citizens get from their elected leaders for his own amusement. Does that mean he deserved to be tasered, probably not. If in fact he was at all, in my mind at least, is a subject for debate. For someone who was supposedly lit up like the Las Vegas strip, he sure as hell was a chatty Cathy immediately following said incident. Every video I have ever seen where someone is hit with one of these "non-lethal" weapons, it takes them a few minutes to recover enough to know that their asshole has been shrunk to the size of a snow pea, let alone continuing to struggle. Not to mention, let's look at it from the cop's view for a second. Here you have a man of no small stature making a scene and being disruptive. You tell him to leave, but he continues. You grab him by the arm to escort him out and he struggles. Then you attempt to cuff him and now you have several people milling around shouting at you and he continues to resist. Is this not a scenario that could put you in danger where you have to defuse the situation in mere minutes if not seconds? What would you do if in the same predicament? Somehow, trying to get everyone to sing a rousing chorus of Kumbaya does not rank high on the list. Personally, if it were my ass in the middle of the melee, I would zap him faster than Ole Sparky at Sing Sing. Check the female cop on the video when they leave the arena. You can definitely tell she felt threatened when you watch her back her way out of the venue. Mr. Meyer is the victim of his own actions plain and simple. These were not Gestapo tactics by the police. They did not start this, Meyer did and it was through his own incompetence that it escalated to the level that it did. If Meyer doesn't know by now that when a cop grabs you by the arm it is a sign that should quit acting the fool, then he will never learn. Personally, if a cop were to lay a hand on me for some bullshit I was pulling, I would turn into Droopy on valium and live to fight another day. Sometimes it is better to concede a battle in order to win the war. If Meyer would have mellowed out none of this would have gotten to the point it did. He should have just left and brought the problem up at a later time where and when cooler heads usually prevail. Another thing that is bothering me about the whole mess is the fact that Randi and others are trying to blame Kerry. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Run the mosh pit like Pitfall Harry to Meyer's rescue? He is a fucking senator for God's sake not Dudley Do-right! He tried to get everyone to settle down prior to the supposed taser incident but Mr. Meyer was screaming too much for anyone to hear. I guess that fact is something else Randi has conveniently blocked from her version of the story. As you probably have surmised by now is that I have a problem with the way Randi Rhodes has handled this story from start to finish. Thank God Meyer is white because if he weren't can you imagine what she would be doing on the air? She would not only shout down any caller who would have the audacity to disagree with her, she'd probably climb through the telephone wire and choke them to death for not recognizing that she is always right no matter what the subject. When Bush was selected for PresiDunce, I searched the internet in hopes of finding someone on the radio that shared the same views as I did and Randi fit the bill to a T. I even went out and got satellite radio because I wanted talk radio that serves my ideology, but in the last year or so she has become increasing shrill and if I wanted to listen to someone who acts just like Limbaugh I would have just kept the old AM radio. From now on it is only Bob Kincaid and the HORN for me from now on and if you get the chance, why not tune in once in a while. It is great radio and it needs your support. They need some help with the financing so if you have a couple of bucks you could throw their way I am sure it would be greatly appreciated. Permalink :: 2 comments :: Post a Comment

Random thoughts and observations by Clyde 7:58 AM It's September, isn't it time to start the War on Christmas? It's true; you can take the girl out of the trailer park but never get the trailer park out of the girl. Did you see Britney Spears open the VMA's the other night? My God, what a double-wide performance that was. The only things missing were the empty wine boxes and a couple of toddlers circling her on their Big Wheels like it was race day at the Mattel 200. Only true trailer trash would have thought that outfit was appropriate for public consumption. Believe me when I say that I realize that it is tough for a mother of two to get her shape back but give me a break. When your back-up dancer busts a nut trying to pick you up, it's high time you rethink your wardrobe. Speaking of someone trying to resurrect his career, did Osama Bin Laden hire an image consultant? I guess from the looks of him we now know where all of Saddam's botox went. General David Petraeus testified in front of congress this week and it was like watching Larry Craig do the River Dance. From fuzzy math where it concerns the levels of violence to claiming a brigade of marines scheduled to rotate home as a troop reduction, Petraeus did everything he could to try to convince us that we need to "stay the course." Of course, he didn't use those words because Bush says it was never a strategy. Hurricane Humberto hits Texas this morning, Tom Tancredo demands that the INS take action to stop him. The New England Patriots stands accused of spying on the New York Jets during last Sunday's season opener. Coach Belichick claims he didn't need a warrant. And finally, I would like to direct this towards any Kucinich supporters that may read this. I like Kucinich and if he were to win the nomination, I would vote for him in a heartbeat. I agree with him on most of the issues and I think he would serve the country well. But, would you please just shut the fuck up for ten minutes? Every talk radio show I listen to and every blog I read has at least one of you deifying this man. I mean you act like he is the only Pop-Tart at HempFest. You are rapidly surpassing the Naderites and closing fast on LaRouche crowd for fanaticism. Like I said, I like Dennis but he is not my first pick as a candidate for the presidency. And I'm getting sick and tired of his supporters trying to say that if I am truly liberal or progressive then I have no choice but to support the congressman from Ohio. No, I don't. I can be just as liberal or progressive as you are without having to march in lock step with your beliefs. You see, the great thing about the Democratic Party is our diversity and all opinions are welcome. Permalink :: 0 comments :: Post a Comment