The Undecided Voter
By Clyde
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I was listening to Bob Kincaid's show Friday night and a topic came up that got me to thinking. I know, frightening concept right? But that aside, I got to wondering just what in the hell is an "undecided" voter and why do they even exist? Are they real or are they the figment of someone's imagination? You know something along the same lines as an Ann Coulter tampon. Do they purposely keep themselves uninformed until the last possible moment or are they just a bunch of underachievers who did not get enough attention when they were children?
With all of the garbage that has happened over the course of the Bush presiDuncy, I find it extremely difficult to think that someone has his or her head so far up their proverbial ass that they cannot choose a side in this election. I mean, what does it take to figure out what direction you want the country to go? Personally, I'm thinking that if they cannot make up their mind by the time they step up to a voting booth they have no right to cast a vote.
If they still have doubts on election day, then seeing the candidates names are probably going to be about as much help as a George W. Bush Katrina pledge. The fact of the matter is that if they cannot make up their minds prior to having their vote stolen by Diebold, then they need to go stand in the corner, take the thumb out of their ass, put it in their mouth and let the grown ups handle things.
How can anyone not know how he or she would vote this late in the game? It is not that hard, either you are pro-life therefore pro-stem cell research or you claim to be pro-life and keep believing that there was a naked woman who stole a piece of fruit because a chatty water moccasin told her to do so. (that's a Kincaid-ism - I only steal from the best) Either you are for checks and balances or you would rather to continue being mentally, physically and economically reamed by a bunch of right wing parasites.
Why in the hell should those of us who keep ourselves informed have to put up with our fate being decided by people who tend to vote on a whim? It is only the future of nation for christ sake. Not to mention that these folks are the single issue types because when it comes crunch time they only have the capacity to remember one issue and all the rest can be damned for all they care. How much you want to bet that it was these inept fucks who forced everyone in school to be graded on a curve because they waited until the last minute to prepare for a basic skills test.
Anyone who has read my writings for any length of time knows that I have little to no respect for neo-cons, but I will admit that I can at least respect that they know how they are going to vote. As ill informed or ideologically bent they are, they do deserve a modicum of praise for standing with their views, no matter how sick and twisted they are, but the undecided voter deserves no praise at all. In fact, the only thing they do deserve is to have my size ten boot shoved so far up their ass that the water on my knee will quench their thirst. Fucking retards!
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
A day in my life
By Clyde
Thursday, October 26, 2006
It is not easy being me. Despite what you may think, my life is not filled 24/7 with glitz and glamour. In fact, my life is for the most part, just plain boring. While I do go to the watering hole to feel a sense of camaraderie with friends, the fact of the matter is that I am desperately searching for companionship, if for nothing more than just a few hours. I yearn to feel the same type of excitement that Rush feels when he visits the showers at the Boys Town Gymnasium.
There are days however, that my life is filled with hope, because those are the days that I get to spend time with the one true love of my life. On those days, I have a routine that I pray some day will bring the object of my desire into my arms.
On those days I wake up sporting wood so hard I could drive the first nail on a Manzanar tract house for Michelle Malkin's family. (I hate that bitch) This is not the same type of erection that Bill O'Reilly feels in the Loofa section of the neighborhood Piggly Wiggly, but rather a urgent piss hard-on whose only redeeming quality is the shiver that rolls up my spine when the stream reaches its full flow.
During my morning constitutional, I give a few strokes to the gonads, not in a sexual way, but more as a verification of location. As long as my fecal matter does not have the odor of Mary Cheney's gash after a three day trek through the Mojave Desert, I do not have to worry that I will put off my beloved because I smell like Tony Snow's breath upon leaving the Oval Office.
Then I grab my Gillette Mach 3 and take my time shaving. I like the triple blade because it makes my skin so smooth that Mark Foley would think it was a 16-year-old Page's ass. I make sure that there will be no trace of hair anywhere that can be seen with the naked eye.
I enter the shower, very hot, making sure to scrub the vital parts much like Karl Rove does after meating with Jeff Gannon/Gukert.
The hardest part of my routine is figuring out the wardrobe for the day. Much like PresiDunce Bush in a second grade classroom, I sit and stare trying to decide what would be best to make that all important first impression.
Arriving at work is usually as much fun as watching Laura Ingram eating an apple. The bitch has an under bite so bad if she were hit in the face with a basketball, the curvature would allow her to touch on all points of the offending hemisphere. However, on those most special of special days, I arrive at work as happy as Michael Reagan dreaming of his father remembering his name.
Lunch is extremely important on these days. I need to make sure that I fill up enough to get me through the day and early evening. You see, I want to make sure that if my dreams came true and was able to dine with the one whom I cherish the most, I could be as appealing as a new tax cut. Therefore, I throw caution to the wind because nothing spells "full" better than a Triscuit.
The afternoon usually goes by as slow as a Brit Hume political rant, but I wonder if it just because I am as giddy as Dr. James Dobson on the day of a book burning.
Like George Allen at a Clan Rally, I am happy when the time finally comes where the sweet cheeks of my pet comes into view. With every hair in place and a smile as dazzling as Dick Cheney's sharp shooting skills. I look upon my Adonis in his jackboots and holding his copy of Mien Kampf with the admiration that can only be equaled by an Aryan Nation conventioneer during a speech given by Michael "the Weiner" Savage.
Hannity is his name, the object of my adoration, the silver line on the cloud over my life, but wait... OH MY GOD! I FORGOT MY ESTROGEN INJECTION! Its okay Sean, I brought enough KY to do the job!
My name is Ann and I'm a man.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
Death bats 1.000
By Clyde
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Like it or not, "no one gets out alive" is more than a title of a book about Jim Morrison, it is an absolute fact. Face it, we all are going to die but does that fact give the Republicans the right to steal our civil liberties away from us? Well that is exactly what happened on Tuesday.
With the stroke of a pen, George W. Bush did what enemies of this country have tried to do with a gun for over 200 years. He killed the United States of America. The Military Commissions Act of 2006 will go down in history as the exact moment of death of American democracy.
How did this happen? It happened because the Republicans are pussies and are afraid of dying, plain and simple. Therefore, they willingly gave up the rights of not only themselves but of every American just so they could stave off the Grim Reaper for another day.
What in the hell are they afraid of? Death is not that hard and even if you count the one lone liberal who was reportedly able to go for a walk three days after his demise, it has a nearly perfect record of success. Don't believe me, just visit the nearest cemetery, morgue or mortuary and you will see hundreds of people stacked liked cordwood that were totally successful in dying.
But, the Republican sheeple are so scared that they might be the victim of an act of "terraism" they gave away the right of every American to a fair trial. The fact of the matter is that there is only a slightly better chance of dying from a "terraist" attack than Ann Coulter successfully inserting an IUD. Yet, the poor little lambs of the Republican ideology just did not like those odds. Fucking cowards!
One has to wonder if there is anything that they are not afraid of. From gay marriage to too few nativity scenes in front of the courthouse, the Republican right feels they are being persecuted. As if the result of two men exchanging wedding vows is going to force Pat and Jerry to leave their wives in order to live the rest of their lives with stool on their tools. And just how many plaster Jesus, Mary and Josephs does it take to get into heaven anyway?
For years I heard the Republicans talk about how they were the party of strength, but since 9/11 they have turned into a bunch of Chicken Little's crying about the sky falling in order to justify whatever they do. It is disgusting the way they use a crime committed on every American to justify their committing crimes against Americans.
Do not get me wrong, I am in full support of keeping people alive, especially when it comes to yours truly, but I am not willing to let a fear of death get in the way of living free. The trade off is just not worth it. What is life if you cannot come and go as you wish? What is life worth if the leader of the country can jail you without reason? What is life worth if you cannot say what you wish? What is your life worth if you are not free?
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
Death bats 1.000
By Clyde
Like it or not, "no one gets out alive" is more than a title of a book about Jim Morrison, it is an absolute fact. Face it, we all are going to die but does that fact give the Republicans the right to steal our civil liberties away from us? Well that is exactly what happened on Tuesday.
With the stroke of a pen, George W. Bush did what enemies of this country have tried to do with a gun for over 200 years. He killed the United States of America. The Military Commissions Act of 2006 will go down in history as the exact moment of death of American democracy.
How did this happen? It happened because the Republicans are pussies and are afraid of dying, plain and simple. Therefore, they willingly gave up the rights of not only themselves but of every American just so they could stave off the Grim Reaper for another day.
What in the hell are they afraid of? Death is not that hard and even if you count the one lone liberal who was reportedly able to go for a walk three days after his demise, it has a nearly perfect record of success. Don't believe me, just visit the nearest cemetery, morgue or mortuary and you will see hundreds of people stacked liked cordwood that were totally successful in dying.
But, the Republican sheeple are so scared that they might be the victim of an act of "terraism" they gave away the right of every American to a fair trial. The fact of the matter is that there is only a slightly better chance of dying from a "terraist" attack than Ann Coulter successfully inserting an IUD. Yet, the poor little lambs of the Republican ideology just did not like those odds. Fucking cowards!
One has to wonder if there is anything that they are not afraid of. From gay marriage to too few nativity scenes in front of the courthouse, the Republican right feels they are being persecuted. As if the result of two men exchanging wedding vows is going to force Pat and Jerry to leave their wives in order to live the rest of their lives with stool on their tools. And just how many plaster Jesus, Mary and Josephs does it take to get into heaven anyway?
For years I heard the Republicans talk about how they were the party of strength, but since 9/11 they have turned into a bunch of Chicken Little's crying about the sky falling in order to justify whatever they do. It is disgusting the way they use a crime committed on every American to justify their committing crimes against Americans.
Do not get me wrong, I am in full support of keeping people alive, especially when it comes to yours truly, but I am not willing to let a fear of death get in the way of living free. The trade off is just not worth it. What is life if you cannot come and go as you wish? What is life worth if the leader of the country can jail you without reason? What is life worth if you cannot say what you wish? What is your life worth if you are not free?
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
This week in the news 10-12-06
By Clyde
Thursday, October 12, 2006
This week's top story:
Twenty-something Alabama native Natalee Holloway is still missing!
In front of a cemetery, Speaker of the House Dennis Hasturd gave a press conference this week where he claimed that anyone on his staff that covered up details pertinent to the Mark Foley scandal a.k.a. Mastur-gate would no longer be employed. When queried about the choice of locale for said press conference, an anonymous source said that besides golf courses, cemeteries are big enough to accommodate Hasturd's posterior.
Was Cory Lidle a Democrat?
Johns Hopkins University has concluded that the Iraqi war dead has exceeded 655,000. Even though funded by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and published by the British medical Journal Lancet, PresiDunce Bush does not find the study credible. Some things are best left unsaid.
Am I the only one curious as to why we have not heard a peep from the testicle with tits Ann Coulter since the Mastur-gate story broke? Inquiring minds want to know.
After being sentenced to two years in jail for wasting public money, former Iraqi Electricity Minister Ayham al-Samarraie sought political asylum when he escaped to the American Embassy. Upon arrival Vice President Dick Cheney immediately offered him a position on his staff. Not in the Mark Foley sense but as in a job. You people have dirty minds.
Since the Eisenhower Strike Group set sail for the Persian Gulf, do you think Iranian President Ahmadinejad is trying to get pointers about undisclosed locations from Dick Cheney?
Even though the quality of recruits may appear to be falling, the Pentagon asserted that relaxed requirements on age, criminal history and aptitude were having no adverse effects upon the military. One Pentagon spokesman was quoted as saying, "if it's good enough for the White House its good enough for us."
If it was Clinton's fault, then why weren't there any nuclear weapons tested by North Korea until now?
It has recently been reported that the FBI has only 33 agents that can speak Arabic and only one percent of all agents have any familiarity with the language. I guess the Osamas Gone Wild videos just do not pack the theaters as they once had.
Odd news of the week:
A 1986 study conducted by the University if Tennessee on how to stop the hiccups found that the best technique was to shove a finger up your ass. I shit you not!
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
Random Thoughts and Observations
By Clyde
Friday, October 6, 2006
Do you ever get the feeling that this country is now being run by Captain Stillwell from the movie Stripes? You know the character played by John Larroquette who liked to spend time in his office playing with his army men. From Iraq to Katrina and now bird flu, Bush's answer to every problem is to use the military first. He tosses around our men and women in uniform like a midget during Happy Hour but will not look at the situation and come up with a plan to rectify it before it becomes a problem.
Do we really want a woman on the Supreme Court deciding the rule of law on a woman's reproductive rights when she has not found time to use her own plumbing?
Is it just me or does Rita Cosby's voice get on your nerves also? There may be some men in this world who actually get off by a woman with a husky voice but for me it just sounds like an asthmatic that just got done performing a Monica on John Holmes.
What is up with the Bob's Big Boy hairdos all of a sudden? Take a good look at the big names in the news lately and you will see what I mean.
Well the falafel king has gone and done it again. In an effort to give his argument credibility to keeping the Abu Ghraib prison abuse photos from public review, Bill O'Reilly blamed the Malmady Massacre on the 82nd airborne during WWII. For those who do not know, this act of mass murder was actually perpetrated by Nazi soldiers against American troops during the Battle of the Bulge. Far be it that the Loofa Lothario should actually study the history that he cites when making his bullshit claims but to also blame it on a group of American soldiers who were at least fifty miles from the scene is beyond the pale.
How long will it be before Rachel Maddow reaches over and bitch slaps the shit out of Tucker Carlson? Inquiring minds want to know.
Why is it that every time someone quotes a Republican it is always taken out of context? That is the latest claim made by Bill Bennett when he was quoted "I do know that if you abort every black baby the crime rate will go down." The fact that he claimed that this was morally reprehensible is not enough to draw away from the fact that his "knowledge" asserts that every black person is the reason for high crime rates.
Is anyone else tired of hearing Johnny Cash sing "Bridge Over Troubled Water?" Note to the Red Cross - GET ANOTHER FUCKING SONG!
Republican lawmakers in the great state of Indiana are proposing legislation making it illegal for a woman to get pregnant by artificial means if she isn't married. This has got to be one of the vilest pieces of legislation to ever be presented for debate. Who in the fuck do these people think they are? If a woman wishes to have a child it is her decision and no one else's and she alone has the right to decide how to start her pregnancy. What are they going to do if some lady breaks their archaic law, make her get an abortion?
For decades all we ever heard from the Free Market Republicans was that competition was good for the country but now that they have control they prefer no-bid contracts?
I do not know if you got to see Ann the man Coulter the other night but it was one time where I didn't want to reach through the TV and strangle the bastard. He/She/It was pissed off at Bush because of his latest Supreme Court nomination and felt as if he/she/it had been stabbed in the back because he didn't nominate another Scalia or Thomas. While listening to this estrogen deficient drag queen wail it occurred to me that if Bush really wanted to cut the deficit in half all he would have to do is actually stab he/she/it in the back and make it a pay-per-view event. To me that would be money well spent and it would be the first and last time I ever applauded anything the PresiDunce ever did.
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
Excuse me while I vent
By Clyde
Thursday, October 5, 2006
I had planned on writing about the short bus patrons over at Free Republic concerning the Mark Foley sex scandal. However, the latest developments have forced me to forgo my usual lame attempts at humor in order to vent my anger. So be warned, if you have an aversion to strong/foul language or have small children nearby, you may not want to continue reading.
If you are reading this paragraph then you must be willing to read what I have to say so, let me get right down to brass tacks. I NOW FUCKING HATE ALL FUCKING NEO-CONS! I am not talking an intense dislike or mere loathing. I mean the kind of hate that starts in the pit of your stomach and radiates a ten thousand degree white-hot purity of hate throughout your soul. What would bring me too this level of hate is the fact that the right wing pussies are affixing blame on everyone except the fucks that covered up the antics of 53-year-old closet homosexual with a penchant for teenaged boys.
It all started with another rumored closet queen Matt Drudge when he began referring to the youths who received lurid emails from a United States congress critter as "beasts who set Foley up." Now the oral flatulence coming from the effeminate fuck in a fedora has about as much credibility as a Bill O'Reilly war experience.
But then, not to be out done, the Barbiturate Behemoth Rush Limbaugh began his flapping his jowls about a conspiracy where the teenage boys were paid to keep their silence until us "Libruls" could pull a Democrat October Surprise. The fact is that, money to the Democratic Party is like Michelle Malkin to an Asian American pride march, the two are not generally seen together. Not to mention that anything that fat fuck has to say about young boys should be required to come with a rape kit.
Then we get Hitler Youth Poster Dweeb Sean Hannity trying to compare what Foley is accused of, to Monica-gate. This comparison has about as much merit as Ann Coulter's need for a gynecological exam. Lewinsky was over 21, living on her own, sought the affair and obviously was Clinton's kind of WOMAN! She was not housed by the United States Congress in a DORMITORY. She was not under the direct supervision of the UNITED STATES CONGRESS. Finally, the United States Congress was not RESPONSIBLE for her care and well-being! However, the victims of Foley were.
Personally, I do not care if these pages were of legal age of consent or not, the fact is that these were high school kids. Any teacher in America would lose their job and be prosecuted to fullest extent of the law. In addition, anyone who knew about it and did not report it would also be guilty in the eyes of the law. Yet, these right wing blowhards are so afraid of being on a losing team they will lie, cheat or steal all the while claiming their MORAL SUPERIORITY. FUCK YOU, you sniveling little turds!
Yeah, we see how morally superior they are when the leaders of their party cover up the inappropriate actions of a congressman whose desktop monitor has so much jizz on it that it could qualify as a modern art masterpiece. These right wing talking Neanderthals are now questioning the timing of this release, trying to claim that we are out to get Dennis Hastert's ass. Listen, Hastert's ass is so big, it looks like two hogs fighting over a Hershey's Kiss and if you put a bow and arrow in Stevie Wonder's hands, spun him around like he was playing pin the tail on the donkey, and had him shoot, he would still have a 3 in 5 chance of sending a shaft up Hastert's colon. Pun intended.
The timing of this revelation is something that I would like to talk about, just not in the sense that would please that right wing mouth breathing knuckle draggers. They accuse the Democrats of using this issue to score political points but what about their cover up of the issue to keep the same political points in their favor?
As a lifelong Democrat I can honestly say that I would be just as outraged if it were a Democratic controlled congress. In fact, in the past I have called for several Democratic leaders to resign and have supported any prosecution for the offense if it were deemed necessary. While many of us are trying our best to peel away the layers of the corruption onion, the Republicans are adding them.
I have come to the conclusion that since this right wing congress has decided that I have no Habeas Corpus rights any longer, they are now guilty until proven innocent! And to all right wingers out there let me say this in terms that even your pea sized brain can comprehend. FUCK YOU - YOU FUCKING FUCKERS!
Okay, so I could not forgo my lame attempts at humor, sue me.
Permalink
::
0 comments
::
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Recent
Posts |
 |
|
|
| |
|
Archives |
|
|
|
| |
|
Amazon.com |
|
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
|
dubyaD40.com
| | |
