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Clyde's Corner

"The NASCAR Liberal" clyde@dubyaD40.com

And now - The News
By Clyde
Thursday, March 30, 2006

Embattled Texas Republican Tom Delay was the keynote speaker at The War On Christians And The Values Voter conference. During his speech, Delay made the following comment. "Our faith has always been in direct conflict with the values of the world. We are, after all, a society that provides abortion on demand, has killed millions of innocent children, degrades the institution of marriage and all but treats Christianity like some second-rate superstition." This statement is ignorant of the facts. If you provide good sex education during the developing years, you would slow the amount of abortion. George Bush and the American government have killed more innocent children than abortion. Allowing two people who love each other to marry does not degrade the institution of marriage, divorce does. And, most everyone agrees that Christianity is really first rate.

Political pundit Ann Coulter is in trouble with the Palm Beach County' election supervisor. it would seem that Coulter voted in the wrong precinct and it has paved the way for possible criminal charges because of the question of legal residence. It has shocked those whom are closely watching the case because it was thought that Coulter did not fill out her voter registration correctly. In the section dealing with gender, Coulter did not check either male or female but instead had penciled in "undecided."

In Washington, the Democrats are as happy as a hungry Mike Tyson eyeballing an ear lobe over the internal rift in the Republican Party over the illegal immigration issue. It seems one side wants to keep their gardeners while the other wants to keep their daughters.

PresiDunce Bush is now claiming that Saddam Hussein is responsible for the continued insurgency in Iraq. This is very hard to believe when you factor in that Saddam isn't even smart enough to climb out of his playpen.

The RNC has received a memorandum spelling out disaster for those who try to distance themselves from PresiDunce Bush. That may or may not be true, but trying to stop the flight of Republican congressional candidates is going to be a lot like trying to stop a herd of Rush Limbaughs from stampeding a Denny's parking lot.

Congressional hopeful Howard Kaloogian recently visited Iraq and wanted to promote the peace and stability in Iraq by posting a picture of a calm street in Baghdad on his website. Unfortunately, for Kaloogian the picture was in reality a picture taken in a suburb of Istanbul Turkey. When confronted with the discrepancy Kaloogian blamed the webmaster of his website for the error. It is rumored that because of his explanation he received a call of congratulations from PresiDunce Bush for Kaloogian's ability to mimic his style of passing the buck.

The Republican spin machine is out in full force trying to promote the idea that the media is only reporting the bad things that happen in Iraq and refusing to report on the positives. So in an effort to be fair and balanced I would like to report to you today that 12-year-old Mohamed Rajik al Swahani was not blown up on his way to school this morning. Hopefully this will keep Laura Ingram off my goddamn TV for a while.

And now for the lighter side of the news, Head On Radio with Bob Kincaid has joined forces with All Things Reconsidered with Bruce Burch and the Cup-O-Joe Report to form the Head On Radio Network. We wish them all the luck in their new endeavor and hope to see you in the chat room.

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WAR uh Good God ya'll
By Clyde
Thursday, March 23, 2006

Okay, let me see if I can wrap my brain around a claim made by Dear Leader regarding Iran supplying Iraq with bomb materiel and design. First, we have the country of Iran a Shiite Muslim country ran by Shiite Muslim Ayatollahs. Then we look to Iraq, a country largely populated by Shiites but ruled by Sunni Muslims before the invasion. Now we have a Sunni insurgency against the burgeoning Iraqi government, mainly dominated by Shiites and Kurds. Somehow, the logic just is not there to base the assertion on that Iran is giving bomb-making tips to Sunnis so they can blow up fellow Shiites. While on the surface his claim seems plausible, when you really look closely it is not worth the breath used to vocalize the statement.

There is no doubt that Iran is eyeballing Iraq like Michael Jackson at a Cub Scout jamboree, but does he really think the American people are that dumb? What we have here is the opening gambit made from the same mold as the Saddam bin Laden 9/11 amalgamation of early 2002. It is no longer a matter of IF he will bomb Iran but a matter of when and even worse, how. You see the Chimp-in-Charge is like a 12 year old with an M-80 and you can tell he is just dying to blow something the fuck up. The problem lies in the fact that when we bomb, will those around him be able to keep it conventional or will they let him go nuclear?

Any way this goes down, it is not going to bode well for the people of this country but throw a nuclear bomb into the mix and we will be in a world of shit like never before. Unlike Iraq, Iran has sharp teeth and the fight is not going to be an easy one to win. If we use nuclear weapons, it is almost assured that we will become a pariah to the entire world and I doubt if even Great Britain would support us any longer.

Even if his handlers are able to keep the leash tight enough to stop him short of using nukes, the war that will result is not going to be as the rush to Baghdad was. Although the majority of the fighting will be done on the ground, I doubt if many ground troops will be used at the start. Instead, the fighting is going to be on the streets of this country and will more than likely result in marshal law. So we can all say bye-bye to democracy, as we know it.

Now I know you must be thinking that I must have bought stock in Reynolds Aluminum because of the tinfoil hat I have on. However, this seems to be the only logical conclusion I can come up with on Bush's lack of willingness to use diplomacy on this issue. If you really think about what the right wing agenda is suppose to accomplish, war with Iran is the perfect solution.

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Random thoughts and observations Part III
By Clyde
Thursday, March 16, 2006

It has been said that nothing can match the speed of an Ethiopian chicken. That may have been true in the past but it is no longer the case. There was a new "land speed record by a biped" set on Monday by the senate Democrats when they ran from Senator Russ Feingold and his Bush censure motion. Instead of standing with a fellow Democrat who was, only trying to hold the law breaking presiDunce accountable for his actions they once again reverted to the "go along to get along" mentality that has gotten them where they are today, the minority. I am a lifelong Democrat who has no inclination of leaving the Party but I must admit that I am getting real sick and tired of watching their fleeing sets of assholes and elbows whenever they get challenged by the neocons.

A man does not achieve total grown up status until he realizes that he now worries more about the size of his prostrate than he does his Johnson.

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed an eerie silence lately? You know, the kind where the hairs on the back of your neck raise up and you get that sudden sense of dread that only a parent with a broken Barney video can know. It took me a while to figure it out, but I now know why I have this feeling of unease. You see, I have not heard a word from the venomous vixen with testicles Ann Coulter for quite some time. With the treasure trove of shit happening in Washington in which he could attack anything left of Attila-the-Hun, I can only surmise that the Adams apple with breast implants is off waging war against his/her/its "Y" chromosome. Just waiting for this hermaphroditic bottle blonde to unleash its next onslaught of hate-speak is enough for this grown man to start shaking like James Dobson at a private screening of Brokeback Mountain.

Most men eventually find the woman's G spot, the real talent lies with the man who can find H, I, J, and K.

Newt Gingrich says the Democrat Party is the impeachment Party. I know, when I heard that my jaw hit the floor so fast it got a rug burn. A statement like that coming from him is a lot like a crack addict bitching about a heroin junkie. Can you believe that the man who led the impeachment fight over a blowjob is now complaining that the Democrats are putting politics over national security? The hypocrisy from the right is stunning to say the least. Here we have a presiDunce who admitted to breaking the law, who has started the illegal occupation of a sovereign nation, completely bankrupted the country and wasted the good will that was built over the last century but if someone speaks out against him, they are aiding and abetting those who wish to harm the nation. God how I hate these people and if we could keep Newt out of divorce court long enough someone might get the chance to kick him in the nuts just to shut him up.

To men, the idea of conversation during sex consists of "done and goodnight."

It is beginning to look like there might be a wee bit of conflict between Pickles and Condi brewing. It seems that now Laura has decided to record her own workout video. That is just what this country needs, a workout tape where the main character has a permanent "I just sharted" expression affixed to her face. Supposedly, this video is to be used to combat child obesity, which is a noble cause for a First Lady to undertake. However, forcing children to watch a Tammy Faye Baker wannabe "Sweatin to the Oldies" can only be described as abusive. I swear if this woman gets one more face-lift, she is going to end up with a couple of boogers hanging from her nose and a goatee.

You know you are getting old when your significant other begins making you Metamucil and Viagra cocktails.

Everyone has heard about Jason McElwain, the autistic youth who scored twenty points in the last four minutes of the basketball game. It is truly a very heart warming story of a kid who triumphed over adversity. And despite the fact that Bush's latest budget guts funding for the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, I have got to give kudos to George W. Bush for visiting him. After all, for the first time Bush has given respect to someone who is intellectually superior. Way to go George!

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This week in the news 4-13-06
By Clyde
Monday, March 13, 2006

This week's top story:
Alabama teenager Natalee Holloway is still missing. Greta Van Susteren schedules another facelift.

Seymour Hersh of the New Yorker magazine is reporting that presiDunce Bush is contemplating the use of nuclear weapons on the country of Iran. Many are demanding that Bush know how to pronounce the word "nuclear" first.

Right wing pundit Ann Coulter is releasing a new book titled "Godless, the Church of Liberalism." It is rumored that Ms. Coulter is now working on his autobiography "Nutless, the Church of Transgenderism."

Washington lobbyists feel as if they have gotten the shaft because disgraced congressional representative Tom Delay is now using their campaign contributions to fund his legal defense. However, they are quick to point out that Delay will end up getting a shaft of his own. A big black one named Bubba.

Congressional representative Katherine Harris is being urged to drop her senatorial campaign by the conservative magazine National Review. The reasoning for the magazine to make the request was not a fear of Harris losing the race. Instead, it was out of concern that the loss of a metric ton of blue eye shadow was going to have a serious negative impact upon the crack whore industry.

The Mormon Church is upset over the new HBO series "Big Love" because it does not portray the Mormon faith in a good light. Most men disagree because of the fact that Bill Paxton's character can afford to pay the mortgages on three houses while still being able to keep his three wives well stocked in Midol and Stay-Free mini pads and that makes any faith look good.

Newly crowned Miss Iraq Silva Shahakian has gone in to hiding because of death threats by Islamic fundamentalists. It seems that during the swimsuit competition you could actually see Miss Shahakian's nostrils.

The Albuquerque Journal has reported that Vice President Dick Cheney was once the victim of an accidental shooting during a quail hunt in the late 1990's. Fortunately, the human cyborg is impervious to ballistic damage and therefore Cheney was unhurt.

In a related story, the Vice President was booed when he threw out the first pitch at a Washington Nationals home opener this week. Fans were forced to use the more traditional form of voicing their displeasure because all bacon products were confiscated at the gate.

*** And This Just In ***
The AP, UPI, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, CNN Headline News, MSNBC, CNBC, Faux News, TNN, TNT, USA and the Speed Channel are reporting that the country of Aruba has just announced that Alabama teenager Natalee Holloway is still missing. Updates will be coming at 7am, 8 am, 9 am, and 10 am with in depth coverage beginning at 6 pm, 7 pm, 8 pm and 9 pm by Rita Cosby, Greta Van Susteren, Larry King, Joe Scarborough, Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, Alan Colmes, Lou Dobbs, Katie Couric, Captain Kangaroo, Oscar the Grouch and Winnie-the-fucking-Pooh!

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NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!
By Clyde
Thursday, March 9, 2006

I have never been one to dabble in the issue of a woman's right to choose, mainly because as a man it really is none of my business. However, my silence ends with the new abortion ban in South Dakota. Without any exceptions for rape or incest, this ban even more notorious than any other attempt to overturn Roe vs. Wade. This is not just an attack upon the women of South Dakota but the entire United States. The religious right has perpetrated this all out assault on the freedom of choice for decades. However, never has the right of women to do what they want with their own bodies ever been in more peril that it is today. One does not need to be a rocket scientist to figure out that this ban is deeply rooted in hatred and religious zealotry.

What possible good could come from forcing a woman to carry the product of one of the most vicious crimes that can be committed against a female to term? Think about the poor woman who must relive the worst experience of her life every time she looks into the eyes of the child that resulted from the assault. The mental anguish that the victim of rape must go through is tragic, but to compound that with State mandated motherhood is catastrophic to the extreme. The bond between mother and child is not something that is to be dictated, but must instead result from the woman's want. It is possible that the woman may learn to love the child, but even the most ardent supporter of forced-gestation must admit that the chances are slim.

Instead of a strong loving emotional attachment between mother and child there would more than likely be animosity at best and hatred at worst. Imagine you are the child of this type of scenario. Would you feel good about yourself if you knew that you were born into this world not because of the love between your mother and father but because you were the unwanted result of a crime? Are you more likely to be an asset to society or are you more apt to display antisocial behavior? The fact of the matter is that the State dictated birth of an unwanted child is more than likely to have devastating results. This legislation increases the chance of child abuse dramatically and the possibility that the child becomes a problem for society to deal with. The fact is that this scenario would likely result in the child being given up for adoption and that reduces the chances of the child growing up in a positive environment. A child born into this kind of situation does not even get the chance to start life on an even playing field.

When you add the situation of incest to the scenario above the nightmare becomes tenfold. While rape for the most part happens once, incest on the other hand usually happens over the span of months or years and is normally not reported but discovered. The traumatic effects of incest are heinous enough but to add a pregnancy into the situation is nothing short of a recipe for disaster. Imagining the effects of long-term incest are bad enough but to force a woman to be constantly reminded about it are totally beyond comprehension.

While the ban does address the health of the mother, it does nothing in terms of the fetus. Modern medicine has advanced to a stage where Doctors are able to diagnose several types of birth defects or medical conditions in the womb. Yet this ban would doom a child that is afflicted to a lifetime of pain and suffering. In addition, modern medicine does not come cheap and the medical costs would have a huge economic impact on those who must care for the child whether it be family or State.

Face it, this ban does nothing more than pander to the hard line right wing in this country and does absolutely nothing to address any concern other than religious zealotry. The main supporters of this type of ban call themselves pro-lifers. However, when you really look at their actions, you can only conclude that they care more about the length of gestation than they do about the child once it has left the birth canal. They proudly proclaim their love of the fetus, but when it becomes a child, they do not want it to receive a good education through a public school system. Their love for the embryo stops when it comes time to fund Head Start. They applaud the union of two gametes right up until it takes a few pennies away from their tax cut. This ban is an assault on humanity and it proves my good friend Bob Kincaid right when he says, "these people are just plain mean."

Admittedly, the scenarios presented are extreme but that does not mean that they are not possible. It is even possible that the women affected could go on to lead happy lives and be strong enough to love and nurture the child. That is her choice to make not the government's. One has to wonder about how the women who support this ban would feel if the government forced them to implant a blastula from a fertilization clinic and carry it to term. There is no doubt that these fine upstanding women of virtue would oppose a State mandated pregnancy on those terms, but other than the violence how does that differ from rape?

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Headlines
By Clyde
Thursday, March 2, 2006

Katrina waxes Bush

Well it's no semen stained blue dress but if there is anything that should show Bush to be a liar it is the video showing him being informed that New Orleans was going to be devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Cokie McSnortalot's claim that no one anticipated the breech of the levees was clearly a lie and the right wing nuts are out in force trying to defend him. They are trying to blame everyone except for Dear Leader but unfortunately for them this is videotape, not some type of Dan Rather moment where they can blame a typewriter font. The fact of the matter is that this inept fool has killed more people of color than Sickle Cell and it is high time that the American sheeple realize this.

Bush says no beef with India on nuclear deal

There is only one piece of advice I would like to give Prime Minister Manmohan Singh of India and that is, do not trust a Bush. History has shown that once you are in bed with a member of the Bush family there is going to be some fucking going on and rarely does a Bush take it in the ass. The Bushes are notorious for building you up and then taking you down usually by bombing you into oblivion so it would behoove the Indian people to reject the nuclear deal that Singh and Bush have worked out.

Bush searches cave

In a surprise visit to Afghanistan PresiDunce Bush claimed that eventually Osama bin Laden will be captured and brought to justice. The fact that a six-foot Arab with a dialysis machine strapped to his ass has eluded Bush for 5 years does not instill confidence in his claim. You would think that if he was going to be captured by this administration I would have bet money on it happening before the 2004 elections but then again maybe he was saving it for right before the Chimpeachment.

Condi's buns of steel

It would seem that our Secretary of State has so much time on her hands that she can see her way fit to making workout videos. Don't get me wrong, I know she has a lot more free time now that her husband actually must spend time with Laura, but aren't there other things she could do to fill her day? Nothing major just little things like patching up the broken diplomatic relations we have with this world. To tell you the truth I really do not see any benefit in having a buck toothed Secretary of State showing us her six-pack abs. In fact if I wanted to see a beaver working out I would change the channel to the Animal Planet, at least there you can see the creation of a dam.

Gonzo goes schizo

Well it would seem that our illustrious Attorney General was not quite as forthcoming on the extent of the NSA warrantless spying as we were led to believe. Well Sparky thanks for the fucking news flash, you act as if we actually thought you were telling the truth the first time. It is the common thread throughout the entire Bush administration, you say one thing when the camera is on but once the spotlight it shut off you come back to "clarify" what you meant. The fact of the matter is that we know the Bush administration is doing more than it confesses to; it is just that the Republicans in congress prevent us from doing anything about it.

Alito loves Dobson

It has come to light that Dr. James (wave your willie at little Billy) Dobson has a secret admirer. Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito has written a letter to Dobson thanking him for the support he received during those tumultuous confirmation hearings. Now I do not know about you but I find it troubling that a Supreme Court Justice feels the need to write a letter thanking a group of people who have nothing to do with the confirmation process. Because of this letter Alito should recuse himself from any case that comes before the Supreme Court of the United States if it involves any religious group period.

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