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Clyde's Corner

"The NASCAR Liberal" clyde@dubyaD40.com

A Quick Recap Of 2005
By Clyde
Thursday, December 29, 2005

Once again a new year is upon us and it is time to reflect upon the events of the last year. I truly believe that 2005 will be remembered as the beginning of the end of the neo-conservative agenda.

It all started with the revelation that a phallic fondling mangina for hire was participating in White House press briefings. The sheer irony that the Party that is filled with neo-con homophobic hypo-Christians would applaud the softball questions asked by a testicle-induced bruised-chin man-whore is not lost upon this NASCAR liberal. I mean how hypocritical do you have to be to deny the civil rights of a group of people because of their sexual orientation while at the same time coming to the defense of a "bone"-a-fide reporter like James Gukert a.k.a. Jeff Gannon? Here is a political Party that constantly yammers about how detrimental it would be for openly gay people to serve in the United States Armed Forces but will lavish accolades upon the cum-belching proprietor of hotmilitarystud.com! You would think that after getting almost 200 day-passes someone at the RNC would have said that having a man in a suit with threadbare knees and reeking of man-spray, as the "Go-To guy" was not a good idea!

Next up on the "2005 Hit Parade" is the Martha Stewart incarceration. Stewart was not jailed for insider trading, oh fuck no. Instead she became a resident of Alderson W. Va. Prison for women because she lied to investigators. How you can be convicted because of lying about something you didn’t do is lost upon me, but in the new age of fascism in this country I guess it is to be expected.

As if they did not have anything better to do, 2005 also saw congress investigate steroid use in baseball. Now I could really give a rat's ass if Mark McGwire and Raphael Palmiero want to use a drug that shrivels their genitals to the size of a cocktail weenie so they can have big biceps and I think that our tax money could be put to better use than watching congress be worried about pharmacological athletic enhancement.

Now it is time to remember the first time George W. Bush actually cut short a vacation, I know that is hard to believe but it did happen, it wasn't a dream. The Terri Schiavo story is a truly tragic tale about a young woman who was struck down in the prime of her life because of society's perception of beauty. The gorge and purge lifestyle robbed this woman of her soul but that did not stop the politicians from using her as another stage to preach from. Oh hell no, we witnessed the right wing nuts in this country get their panties in a wad so bad that the PresiDunce had to sign legislation drafted for a single person in his bunny-footed PJ's. In addition we got to see the very first medical examination by video in the history of man. Senator Bill Frist actually tried to make a medical diagnosis from the floor of the Senate and I find it hard to believe that this fuck still has his medical license!

On May 31 of this year the identity of Deep Throat was finally revealed and the media went ape-shit over it. While it was important to many that the man who was responsible for bringing down Nixon was finally named, does it really merit the same level of media coverage as say the Natalie Holloway story?

It is now time to reflect upon Cindy Sheehan. This woman is the shining example of our constitutional rights as citizens. By sheer will to hold the PresiDunce accountable for the illegal invasion of Iraq she was able to re-mobilize the anti-war effort in this country. Like a tick affixes itself to a hound this reed thin little lady from California stuck to Bush long enough to force him to relocate his vacation to Idaho.

While dodging Cindy, Bush showed the true disconnection with reality he has when Hurricane Katrina struck. This was the worst natural disaster to ever hit our shores and this inept piece of human excrement didn't do a fucking thing to help until he was forced to react. The cronyism within the Bush Administration resulted in thousands of lost lives and displaced American citizens but accountability was not taken. No, Bush and Rove did the thing that only comes natural to them and that was to blame someone else for what went wrong while Simple Scotty McFelon was accusing the White House Press Corps of playing the blame game. God only knows how I hate these motherfuckers!

Although it took over eighteen months, finally the Plame investigation began to see results. Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald brought forth the first of what could be many indictments and impaneled a new Grand Jury to keep open the investigation of treason from the White House. One has to wonder if Libby will sing and give up the identity that is Rove because after all, Scooter's going to jail, Scooter's going to jail, na na nuh na na!

And now we come to what I consider to be the straw that will break the camel's back, the NSA spying on Americans and Dubya's admission of guilt. This story by the New York Times has me as excited as a puppy with three peckers in a room full of pants legs. There is no doubt that this is an impeachable offense even with Faux News trying to spin it into a national security issue. The only people that believe that shit are the Kool-Aid drinkers over at Free Republic because now even conservative rags like Barron's are speaking the word impeachment. To use the incredibly bad spelling that is a Freeper requirement, this is HUGH, MORANS!

Finally I would like to end this retrospective on a personal note. Even though 2005 was an extremely bad year for thousands of my fellow citizens, it did bring forth some very good things. We witnessed the re-emergence of self-described liberals and no longer will we allow it to be used in a derogatory manner. Websites such as this one and others are becoming more credible than the mainstream media, and left wing talk radio is becoming more popular every day.

Because of the hard work of nationally syndicated radio hosts like Randi Rhodes, Ed Schultz, Mike Malloy and Thom Hartman, smaller in bandwidth not stature, regional hosts are helping to bring local issues to the masses and are beginning to come to the forefront. People like Peter Werbe in Detroit and Guy James in Florida are becoming more and more popular nationwide. And how could I not talk about my friend Bob Kincaid at Headonradio.com? Bob is back on the air joined by his lovely wife Agnes and the show is really getting to be a big hit and I hope you tune in.

So in closing it looks to me like 2006 is going to be a very good year for the left and a very bad one for the wrong, because we liberals are pissed off and are not going to take it anymore!

WE'RE BACK – GET USED TO IT

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Raping Ann Coulter
By Clyde
Thursday, December 8, 2005

Well once again the testosterone enriched bottle blonde of right wing hate fame Ann Coulter has been making the rounds over at Fox News. During one episode of the O'Reilly Factor, Coulter made the claim that liberals want to rape her. I find that totally incredulous because the mere idea of a sexual encounter with this broom stick figured trans-testicle is enough to make you contemplate putting a gun barrel in your mouth and the mental image is one that will forever haunt you to the very depths of your soul.

The notion of raping the peroxide Eva Braun of conservative hate is one of complex details that would need to be considered before the venture was to be pursued. First you would need to reconcile with yourself on your view of anal sex because after all there is still the question as to whether Coulter is the proud possessor of a bun or a set of frank and beans. Second, how convenient would it be to have to cart around a fifty-five gallon drum of KY Jelly to give you that much needed lubrication? Third, could you even reach sexual climax with someone who looks like an Ethiopian on Jenny Craig?

Being as sex is rapidly becoming a distant memory that I look upon with longing, I can honestly say that having a romantic interlude with the Adam's apple on a stick is something that I would gladly forego in favor of being repeatedly kicked in the groin by the Budweiser Clydesdales. I would stand there with a smile on my face as each blow was delivered because I would be comforted in the knowledge that I could always make a living on the carnival circuit as the "Amazing Testicle Man!" The only living male with gonads the size of large pumpkins that each weight in at a hefty 75 pounds a piece! It is truly amazing folks because he has to wheel them around in a wagon in order to walk and the term "scratching his nuts" takes on a whole new meaning.

I can only imagine that even consensual sex with the right wing Lizzie Borden wannabe is an experience worthy of bringing an exorcist and being shrouded in enough Kevlar to make a Columbine High graduate on his way to a class reunion green with envy.

The sheer fact that this hate mongering bitch/bastard has the audacity to whine about how much the left despises her/he/it is one that truly boggles the mind. Here is a woman/man/whatever that makes Attila the Hun look like Buddha and has the temerity to bemoan the fact that those of us on the left have decided that we can play the same game. I guess in the little world of anorexic Nazi hypo-Christian fascism it is totally uncalled for those who have been accused of being unpatriotic, Christian hating, Muslim loving, blame America first traitors that only deserve execution begin to push back just as hard as we have been pushed. But not in mine!

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Tidbits
By Clyde
Thursday, December 1, 2005

How many times have you told or heard other people comment about how glad they are that Christmas is over? From Thanksgiving on, everyone in this country is inundated with the Christmas spirit from Applebee's to Wal-Mart but that is not enough for the Falafel King Bill O'Reilly. This windbag is crying because some store clerk had the temerity to say Happy Holidays while he was perusing the new Loofa selections at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I wish that ignorant piece of human waste would just HO-HO-HO his ass back into his own pissed off little world and leave the rest of us alone.

Did you hear the one about the homosexual man who gave up being gay after he quit smoking because suddenly everything tasted different?

Joe Lieberman is running around all of the talk shows talking about how swell everything is going in Iraq and now the right wing propaganda machine is running around cheering him as if he just took third place at the Special Olympics. Thanks a whole fucking lot Joe, now why don't you go and try to play patty-cake with Bob Dole and just get the fuck out of the Democratic Party.

Once again Heidi Fleiss is back in the news because she plans on building a brothel for women. I predict that this endeavor is doomed to failure, not because I believe women would not frequent such an establishment but because there will be no room because of all the men applying for jobs in an effort to just get interviewed.

Just when did it become acceptable for the president of the United States to make up words? I mean what the fuck? First it was "misunderestimated" then there was "jihadists" and now Chimpboy's new word is Saddamists. What in the hell is a Saddamist and why are we worried about them because after all, won't God come down and smote them with a bad case of penicillin resistant Gomorrah?

When I heard that Paris Hilton's monkey attacked her in the lingerie section of a Beverly Hills boutique the first thing that came to my mind was that if she would just keep her pants on, she wouldn't have that problem.

Donald "Tiger Claw" Rumsfeld has had an epiphany and decided that he will no longer call them insurgents. Rather he would like them to be referred to as the Enemies of the Legitimate Iraqi Government, ELIG for short. Does that mean that we can quit referring to him as the Secretary of Defense (SecDef) and instead call him the Dumbass in Charge (DIC)?

The OxyContin cowboy Rush Limbaugh has made several thousands of dollars on his Adopt a Soldier program. And it is now being reported that he is going to use the money to resurface the parking lot of the local Denny's so he doesn't damage his limousine when he has to pick up his pain medication.

George W. Bush has supposedly drawn up a plan for victory in Iraq but that only leads to one question. If we have yet to achieve victory then what in the hell was the codpiece promenade on the USS Abraham Lincoln all about?

Michael Brown has decided to open up a consulting firm specializing in emergency preparedness. Hiring this asshole makes about as much sense as having Michael Jackson in charge of nap time at the local preschool.

I have a problem with them naming Jerry Hall as spokesperson for erectile dysfunction because I do not have a problem with my erectile capabilities when I see her. Instead the spokesperson should be someone who has experience with this malady like Ann Coulter.

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