The Political Gender Gap
by
Clyde
7:26 AM
In the past I have been accused of being a sexist. Well duh! I'm a guy damn it. The fact of the matter is that men and women are hardwired differently therefore it is just natural that hormones come into play throughout everything we do, every day.
Now in the current primary fight between Clinton and Obama the evidence of sexism, thankfully, has reared its ugly head only briefly. However, we must all take each candidate's gender into account when thinking about who would be best in the White House. That is something I would like to explore now.
Let us say that Hillary becomes the president and there is a disagreement between herself and Secretary of State Biden (my preference for the position) over some Mid-East crisis or what not? In trying to make her case to Biden but be unable to sway him, will she finally resort to something every woman out there uses? Bringing up some bullshit he pulled in nineteen ninety fucking six? I can just see it now, Biden finds a chink in the estrogen armor, and she flies into a rage, breaking the new White House china (gold leaf inset on a blue background) all over the new Oval Office carpet (Floral pattern) and all because he would not commit too whether or not her butt looked fat in a pant suit.
What if Ahmadinejad pulls one of his Einstein moments on a heavy flow day? Why it could very well turn into an estrogenocidal event of biblical proportions. Or what happens if Kim Jong IL decides to back out of another nuclear treaty on a day when she is feeling frumpy? I'm sorry but it is not much use on the world stage when the president of the United States rests comfortably on the couch, eating Bon-Bons, and watching "I Love Lucy" reruns while admonishing members of her cabinet for not doing something constructive.
However, it might not be all bad either. What if we were able to get our congress critters to pass some form of universal health care on a day when she was in a nurturing mood? We might just get some sensible prescription drug coverage as an additional gift because we were being good. Not too mention that the money spent in the Pentagon would be better spent because what woman does not like a bargain? Although we may end up with HumVees in pretty pastels but what the fuck, we got them cheap.
As far as diplomacy goes, could you imagine what would happen if Hillary went up to German Chancellor Merkel and tried rubbing her shoulders? Why all you would need is some clear plastic platform shoes with some cheesy music and voila, a pay per view event that would even have some Republicans picking up the tab. Not Larry Craig mind you, but throw in some Pampers and you might at least get Vitter's attention.
Now before you ladies start lambasting me because I am only picking on female quirks let me get to Obama. Is it really smart for a man to be in control of the nuclear football? We can't even put a remote down long enough too watch a whole television show without channel surfing! Next thing you know, Obama is watching Sport Center when a fucking Massengill commercial comes on and whoops, say bye bye too Pago Pago.
As far as Obama's manliness goes, just how well do you think the "pull my finger" routine will go over at the G-8 summit? I can just see it, attendees of the global economic forums are going to have to put up with enough flatulence to heat the city of Chicago, and there will be Obama in the corner laughing his ass off because no one had ever heard the friggin joke before. Of course all of the other leaders who are home to the "Y" chromosome are going to go home and pull it on their ole ladies, so that might work out well.
Then there is the fact that us men cannot keep our hands off of our junk in public. Can you imagine a press conference where Helen Thomas is asking about the withdrawal of Iraq and the first thing Obama does is reposition his Johnson like he was jerkin the gherkin? My God, it would be enough to make Ann-dy Coulter's Adam's apple bob up and down faster than Harlem Globetrotter dribbling a basketball because Obama was able to get away with it in public and he wasn't. (By the way, where has that son of a bitch been lately, estrogen therapy?)
But on a positive note, when comes to getting into a pissing match with some dictator whose got his undies in a bunch over something we did, Obama definitely has the edge. After all, you know what they say about black men.
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