Spitzer-gate
by
Clyde
7:24 AM
Let me be perfectly clear, THERE IS NO PIECE OF ASS WORTH 5 GRAND! I don't care if she can fart Yankee Doodle fucking Dandy in three part harmony while vise clamping you like an armless barrel racer, it is not worth five thousand fucking dollars! Jesus Christ this shit pisses me off.
Everyone is concerned with bullshit over this whole ordeal. Some are yammering on about whether prostitution should be legal while others are wondering if Spitzer should be prosecuted or not. Me, I'm happy the fucker is gone because it is obvious this sonofabitch doesn't have a clue about fiscal responsibility.
Believe me I understand there has to be a modicum of discretion when it comes to gubernatorial affairs. But there has got to be an easier and cheaper way of getting it done. Not to mention, without that nagging hassle of the IRS and Dept. of Justice crawling up your ass like a guano miner.
Now I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but when it comes to spoons I'm a fucking razor and even I know the more people you have involved with a transaction, the more likely it is going to become public knowledge.
(Whistle) Hey Moron! Here's a novel fucking approach, use cash! It cuts out the middle man. All you have to ask is how much, say here you go and viola, the financial portion of the transaction is complete. Not fucking rocket science!
Another thing, do NOT import your whore! Use the ones available in the city, town, hamlet, or burg you are staying. What are they going to say, no? They are there for your convenience after all. Bringing in a hooker from out of state is just taking too many chances. You have travel agents, rental car agencies, sky caps, and yadda yadda yadda. If you use local personnel, all it takes is a $20 bill and a discrete bell hop for services to be rendered. Easy as pie! (pun intended)
And finally let's talk golden pussies. There is no such thing. Sorry ladies, I do not mean to offend but your quim is not worth 5k. At least not as a rental unit. Maybe as a long term investment but even that is subject to conjecture. I don't care if your pussy started clapping like Larry Craig at a Liza Minnelli concert upon completion of my coital performance; it still does not add up to five thousand dollars.
Think of it this way, remember when you first met your husband or boyfriend and he actually tried to satisfy your sexual needs? You know, before his one hump - one grunt - snore often prowess of today. Was his dick worth 5 grand? Fuck no it wasn't! It was just a piece of meat that the FSM (ra-men) had left over and didn't know what else to do with.
The fact of the matter is that Spitzer was stupid and he deserved what he got. I will not voice support for someone just because they belong to the same political party as I do. While I do not agree that prostitution should be illegal and as governor he has to set an example. Besides, there are better ways of spending $4930.00. (don't forget the bell hop)
Beer, submarine sandwiches and titty bars come immediately to mind.
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