This week in politics
by
Clyde
9:04 AM
This week's top political story:
George W. Bush gave his last State of the union speech! Yes folks, in the fashion of a toddler on Nyquil, Bush fulfilled his constitutional duty and informed congress of his vision for the future. It what is best described as Britney Spears giving the keynote address at a MENSA convention, only without the shaved head and obligatory clam flash, Bush recited rhetoric of past SOTU speeches. With only two references to 9/11, Bush was still able to deliver enough applause lines to make congressional Republicans jump up and down faster than Star Jones at a Richard Simmons' Day Camp, mainly along the lines of tax cuts and the continuation of the occupation of Iraq.
Senator John McCain picked up the endorsement of a major rival this week in Rudy Giuliani after suspending his own bid for the White House. Giuliani's poor showing in Florida forced the former New York mayor to face the fact that one can only invoke 9/11 so often before sympathetic supporters begin jumping from rooftops in solidarity.
Radical fundamentalist cleric Mike Huckabee threw down the gauntlet against presidential rival Mitt Romney this week over fried chicken. It seems that Governor Romney is not a fan of chicken skin and Huckabee found that offensive. As someone who grew up 2 blocks from Jolly Time Popcorn, I find it offensive when some Arkansas hillbilly fries up furry little rodents in a popcorn popper but you don't hear me getting into a snit about it. Okay, maybe a little but I'm not running for president.
It seems the Barbiturate Behemoth Rush Limbaugh had a little trouble casting his vote in Florida's primary last week. I bet if they had dressed the voting booth up to look like a cub scout he would have known where to place his finger.
Now that the turd has emerged from the depths of the punchbowl, the corn shaped canoes you saw this week is another five House Republicans paddle their asses off for Lobby-land. The Republican Party is going down faster than Paris Hilton on a strange penis and all thanks to George W. Bush.
Finally, as you know I have been a supporter of John Edwards. To me he was the best candidate for the job but alas it was not to be. Now I could bitch and moan about how he was blacked listed by the media but that would be minute compared to the real reason he did not fare well in this campaign. The fact of the matter was that he was competing against two rock stars and his two Americas speech was not heard above the din of history in the making. Now I will gladly vote for whoever gets the nomination, race or gender to not fit into my politics. Obama or Clinton are miles ahead of anything the Republicans can put forth and with a majority in both houses a Democratic president has a better chance of achieving at least some of our goals. While many think that Edwards would be a great Attorney General, I believe that is a post he should only take for the interim. The next president will be nominating at least two Supreme Court justices and it is my sincerest wish that Edwards be one of them. That is a role where Edwards can have a positive and lasting impact upon the country for decades to come.
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