This week in the news 5-17-07
by
Clyde
7:52 AM
Much like Alabama teenager Natalee Holloway, Alberto Gonzales's memory is still missing. This time our intrepid Attorney General conveniently forgot to comply with a subpoena issued by the Senate Judiciary Committee concerning any emails sent by White House political advisor KKKarl Rove concerning the firing of 8 U.S. Attorneys. Besides failing to turn over the documents in question, the Department of Justice failed to give a reason as to why the noncompliance. When asked, Gonzales said he took full responsibility and that while he could remember there being a meeting, he could not remember what was said, who said it, and why it was said in the first place.
Fisting each other like an El Segundo porn movie, the Republican candidates for president gathered in South Carolina for a debate sponsored by Fox News. Moderator Brit "if I only had a chin" Hume started the debate by offering condolences to the family of Rev. Jerry Falwell on behalf of all the candidates. One must assume that this was done to prevent a chanting of Falwell's name as if he was Ronald Reagan or something.
It became obvious this week that the FBI has no "don't ask don't tell" policy when it was revealed that Ann-Dee Coulter's ex-boyfriend Supervisory Special Agent Jim Fitzgerald interceded on the trans-testicles behalf over possible voter fraud charges in Palm Beach Florida.
World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz may be looking for a job soon over the scandal involving a huge pay raise for his girlfriend Shaha Riza. Rumors began when PresiDunce Bush lavished praise upon Wolfowitz for doing a heckuva job.
This week it was announced that the White House had been able to find someone to fill the slot of War Czar. After being rebuked by several four-star generals, Bush was pleased to announce that three-star Lt. General Douglas Lute had accepted the position. The War Czar will be responsible for overseeing the war in Afghanistan and the occupation of Iraq, duties that used to be handled by the Secretary of Defense. While this may be welcomed by some, mainly those who will no longer have to take the blame, many believe it is too little too late, a common theme in the Bush administration.
Jerry Falwell is dead! Demised. Without life. The big sleep. Pushing up daisies. Assuming room temperature. Taking a dirt nap. A worm feast. And last but not least, he gave up his breathing habit. Yes folks, Falwell is gone and I could not be happier if I were Bill O'Reilly sniffing a pussy fart that reeked of hummus. Now I know that sounds cold and callous but I really don't give a shit. While I never wish anyone dead, I do not agree that just because someone has crossed the bar we should only remember the good things that person has done. Falwell was nothing more than a huckster out for his own self-aggrandizement at the expense of those less fortunate. He pushed his idea of morality on others and did not give a damn about their views. He instilled himself into the body politic to promote bigotry and hate against those who did not conform to his beliefs or vision of Christianity. The man was a piece of shit and in my opinion; the world is now a much better place.
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