This week in the news 6-8-06
By Clyde
Thursday, June 8, 2006
This week's top story:
In recent weeks, MSNBC's Rita Cosby has abandoned her non-stop coverage of missing Alabama teenager Natalee Holloway because of a lack of interest. Long-time confidant and voice coach Ernest Borgnine said that Cosby is extremely despondent over the fact that she cannot devote the next six months to rehashing the same old shit every night.
Like a bad case of genital herpes, right wing pundit Ann Coulter has resurfaced promoting his new book "Godless, The Church of Liberalism." In the book, Coulter resumes his attack on liberals but this time he goes after the 9/11 widows who forced PresiDunce Bush to form a commission that investigated the causes of the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. One can only surmise that Coulter is jealous of the widows because their bodies produce estrogen naturally.
Is George W. Bush gay or at least bi-sexual? According to Nevada gubernatorial candidate Leola McConnell he is. McConnell claims that in 1984 she was involved in a three way sexual tryst with then private citizen George W. Bush and former Knoxville Tennessee mayor/current ambassador to Poland Victor Ashe. During the interlude McConnell says that not only was Bush a willing participant but that he also seemed quite adept at performing sexual acts upon another man. Gives a completely new meaning to "Brown-eye you're doing one heck of a job."
Speaking of homosexuality, the Senate debated an amendment to the constitution banning gay marriage this week. Although it was defeated, the Republican leadership was happy that they had been able to garner more votes than what they had previously gotten for the amendment before. Many have accused the Republicans of pandering to their base's bigotry, but Majority Leader Bill Frist said that it was no more bigoted than the proposed legislation requiring all Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurants to carry both red and purple Kool-Aid.
Texas congressional representative Tom Delay recently told House GOP members to run on principles. That is a lot like Jerry Falwell leading the chorus in a medley of Ozzy Osborne tunes during morning services.
While on the subject of right wing nut cases, GNC nutrition centers had decided to pull Pat Robertson's protein shake from its shelves. Robertson claimed that by drinking the mysterious mixture he was able to leg press 2000 lbs. and now it is being reported that Barry Bonds was last seen parking a VW Microbus behind a local strip mall.
It seems that Rush Limbaugh must really be off his meds. Recently a caller into the infected testicle's radio show asked the Barbiturate Behemoth if he would finally acknowledge that the invasion of Iraq was a bad idea. In his inability to reply, the OxyContin Kid went off on a rant asking the caller what his real name was without ever answering the question. At the conclusion of his show, Limbaugh, who is on probation for drug charges stemming from doctor shopping, was forced into placing a phone order to Denny's.
In entertainment news:
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt sold pictures of the new baby for a reported 4.1 million dollars this week. Both new grandmothers of the child were forced to give their husbands Depends wedgies in order to get the new grandfathers to sign the second mortgage as to cover the cost.
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