This week in the news 6-22-06
By Clyde
Thursday, June 22, 2006
This week's top story:
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi is still dead, Alabama teenager Natalee Holloway is still missing, Duke University lacrosse team members are still charged with rape, the anthrax killer is still roaming free, Kenny Boy Lay is convicted but still not in jail, Karl Rove still gets paid by the American taxpayer, Tom Delay is still a scumbag, Dr. James Dobson still wants men to shower with young boys, Kim Jong IL is still crazy as a bedbug, Osama bin Laden still has not been given a Tomahawk cruise missile suppository and JOE LIEBERMAN STILL SUCKS!
PresiDunce Bush is attending the EU summit in Vienna this week talking about Iraq, Iran and North Korea. One aide was quoted as saying "there hasn't been a negotiation this sensitive since Mary informed Joseph that God got her pregnant."
19 Republican Senators voted in favor of amnesty for Iraqi insurgents whose only crime was the killing of American soldiers. Let me see if I have this right, it is okay for Abu to waste our guys but Pedro isn't supposed to serve me my number one with Biggie fries? This makes about as much sense as Ann Coulter getting a Pap smear.
Steven Howards was recently arrested for acting "strangely" around Vice President Dick Cheney, but the U.S. Secret Service is refusing to elaborate on what Mr. Howards was doing that was so strange. Without any further details I can only surmise that Mr. Howards was packing some sort of pork product, perhaps "BACON."
The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has cancelled a 99.1 million dollar contract to build a new Iraqi prison. It seems that I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, Tom Delay and Karl Rove all prefer a more tropical climate.
The Fraternal Order of Police wrote a letter to the House Ethics Committee suggesting that Georgia congresswoman Cynthia McKinney violated the House ethics manual where a congressional representative must "conduct themselves at all times in a manner which shall reflect creditably on the House of Representatives." Republican members of the committee had never heard of this provision.
On a personal note:
As many of you know, I was born and raised in Iowa and you can imagine my angst when Senator George Allen saw fit to mention that he was conceived in my hometown of Sioux City when he appeared on Hardball with Chris Mathews Monday night. Being that Allen is one of the most inept right-wing chickenhawk pussies in congress, I find no pleasure in hearing about his father being balls deep procreating a rat bastard like himself. The mere idea that the place of my childhood is now tarnished with the idea that his mother chose to receive instead of spitting or swallowing is one that will haunt me until the day I die.
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