Random thoughts and observations Part III
By Clyde
Thursday, March 16, 2006
It has been said that nothing can match the speed of an Ethiopian chicken. That may have been true in the past but it is no longer the case. There was a new "land speed record by a biped" set on Monday by the senate Democrats when they ran from Senator Russ Feingold and his Bush censure motion. Instead of standing with a fellow Democrat who was, only trying to hold the law breaking presiDunce accountable for his actions they once again reverted to the "go along to get along" mentality that has gotten them where they are today, the minority. I am a lifelong Democrat who has no inclination of leaving the Party but I must admit that I am getting real sick and tired of watching their fleeing sets of assholes and elbows whenever they get challenged by the neocons.
A man does not achieve total grown up status until he realizes that he now worries more about the size of his prostrate than he does his Johnson.
Is it just me or has anyone else noticed an eerie silence lately? You know, the kind where the hairs on the back of your neck raise up and you get that sudden sense of dread that only a parent with a broken Barney video can know. It took me a while to figure it out, but I now know why I have this feeling of unease. You see, I have not heard a word from the venomous vixen with testicles Ann Coulter for quite some time. With the treasure trove of shit happening in Washington in which he could attack anything left of Attila-the-Hun, I can only surmise that the Adams apple with breast implants is off waging war against his/her/its "Y" chromosome. Just waiting for this hermaphroditic bottle blonde to unleash its next onslaught of hate-speak is enough for this grown man to start shaking like James Dobson at a private screening of Brokeback Mountain.
Most men eventually find the woman's G spot, the real talent lies with the man who can find H, I, J, and K.
Newt Gingrich says the Democrat Party is the impeachment Party. I know, when I heard that my jaw hit the floor so fast it got a rug burn. A statement like that coming from him is a lot like a crack addict bitching about a heroin junkie. Can you believe that the man who led the impeachment fight over a blowjob is now complaining that the Democrats are putting politics over national security? The hypocrisy from the right is stunning to say the least. Here we have a presiDunce who admitted to breaking the law, who has started the illegal occupation of a sovereign nation, completely bankrupted the country and wasted the good will that was built over the last century but if someone speaks out against him, they are aiding and abetting those who wish to harm the nation. God how I hate these people and if we could keep Newt out of divorce court long enough someone might get the chance to kick him in the nuts just to shut him up.
To men, the idea of conversation during sex consists of "done and goodnight."
It is beginning to look like there might be a wee bit of conflict between Pickles and Condi brewing. It seems that now Laura has decided to record her own workout video. That is just what this country needs, a workout tape where the main character has a permanent "I just sharted" expression affixed to her face. Supposedly, this video is to be used to combat child obesity, which is a noble cause for a First Lady to undertake. However, forcing children to watch a Tammy Faye Baker wannabe "Sweatin to the Oldies" can only be described as abusive. I swear if this woman gets one more face-lift, she is going to end up with a couple of boogers hanging from her nose and a goatee.
You know you are getting old when your significant other begins making you Metamucil and Viagra cocktails.
Everyone has heard about Jason McElwain, the autistic youth who scored twenty points in the last four minutes of the basketball game. It is truly a very heart warming story of a kid who triumphed over adversity. And despite the fact that Bush's latest budget guts funding for the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, I have got to give kudos to George W. Bush for visiting him. After all, for the first time Bush has given respect to someone who is intellectually superior. Way to go George!
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