Psychological Profile: Ann Coulter
By Clyde
Thursday, February 2, 2006
Name: Ann Coulter
Born: December 8, 1961
Gender: Hermaphrodite? - natural or surgical is subject to conjecture
Ethnicity: Racist
Physical condition - Anorexic - bitch is so skinny she only has one side
Based upon close observation introduced by the Klan at Fox News, I can only conclude that the subject suffers from numerous neuroses, exhibits sociopath tendencies, and has brief periods of psychotic behavior. The subject's mental makeup is a mixed bag of disorders that can only have been brought on by the inability to choose a gender identity. She/he/it is in a constant state of confusion because of this identity crisis and has manifested itself into the mental maladies described below.
Homophobia
This is truly a remarkable phenomenon because of the subject's inability to reconcile with his/her/its sexual makeup. Being as the subject possesses the hormonal needs of both sexes it stands to reason that the subject would no doubt be attracted to both male and female partners alike. If he is really a she, then it stands to reason that she would be inclined to identify with the need for Bob and Neal to play their version of hide the salami. And if she is in fact a he, it would normally come as no surprise that he would in fact enjoy watching the all time classic starring Tiffany Lickalotapuss and Monique Carpetmunche' in "Bottle Blondes go to College: Canyon Yodeling 101." After all they all use the same brand of peroxide. But the patient exhibits a strong hatred of anything that does not resemble the classic definition of marriage between one man and one woman. This hatred can only stem from the fact that biologically speaking the subject has a little too much of each and not enough of either thereby creating an epic battle between hormones that best be equated to a George Lucas film on blotter acid.
Latrinophobia
The subject exhibits a strong dislike for gender specific restrooms. The neurosis can best be described through the behavior shown when confronted with making the decision of which public toilet would best serve the needs of the patient. When presented with this predicament the beginning stage of this malady starts with a nervous tic over each eye alternately. Even the involuntary response mechanism is affected by this state of mental confusion. The response quickly progresses into the final stage of the hands spasmodically clutching the genitalia and the frenetic shifting of weight on each foot reminiscent of the pee pee dance.
Neo-Conservative Insecurity Disorder
This disorder manifests itself in several ways and stems from a hatred of all things that are nice and good in the world. This condition involves the inability to laud anything that is designed to make anyone feel good. The subject has a strong dislike for puppies, kittens, bunny rabbits, babies, toddlers, elderly people, sunshine, puffy white clouds, circuses, carnivals, bingo games, ice cream, cotton candy, teddy bears, security blankets, the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and Rudolf the red nosed fucking reindeer. Instead the patient exhibits a strong affinity for war, assassination, nuclear holocaust, death camps, the SS, hurricanes, tornados, typhoons, wild fires, flood, plagues of locusts, the potato famine, cancer, AIDS, Typhoid Mary, Lizzie Borden, and public beheadings. This condition was best seen when she/he/it found out I was a liberal and told me that I should be forced to experience a proctologic exam by a physician with poor depth perception.
Irrational Wardrobe Functionality Disorder
The patient is forced to endure periods of high stress because of the inability to cope with wearing the appropriate attire during times of public exposure. This condition usually manifests itself during times of extreme testosterone/estrogen imbalance and is directly attributed to the level of stockpiles of Nair, Barbasol, and Brute for Men in her/his/its possession. I believe this ailment is also a result of the pain experienced during the bi-weekly back waxing treatments that the patient is forced to endure. It is best to steer clear of the patient during these times and it is strongly recommended that everyone look to the warning signs of an impending bout of anxiety. These signs are the need to wear black turtle neck sweaters to offset the unnatural throat curvature and five o'clock shadow. This attire is usually coupled with a pair of Levi's with the Skoal Can imprint on the left rear pocket. I have also noticed that this trend usually coincides with the subject's need to visit the Queens Trans-Gender Clinic of greater New York.
Anorexia Nervosa/Bulimia
Patient exhibits the tendency for an eating disorder although inconclusive whether it is Anorexia or Bulimia at this time. It is obvious that this subject is dire need of a sandwich because of the fact that the exhumed remains of the Donner Party enjoy more curves than this Adam's apple on a stick.
Psychotic episodes
The definition of psychosis is: A severe mental disorder, with or without organic damage, characterized by derangement of personality and loss of contact with reality and causing deterioration of normal social functioning. You've seen her/he/it on television, need I say more?
Sociopath
This patient has a long history as a sociopath. From the desire to kill all Muslims to putting rat poison into Supreme Court Justice Paul Stevens' Creme Brule this trans-testicular neo-conservative Eva Braun wannabe has pushed the envelope of modern day hate speech to new heights.
Conclusion
It is painfully clear that the subject is nothing more than a certifiable whack job in dire need of psychological reprogramming. The patient must be forced to come to grips with his/her/its gender makeup and if all else fails the best cure in my opinion is a intravenous force feeding of D-con at full drip. That is just a joke for those of you in the media. HAHAHAHA
Permalink
|
