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"The NASCAR Liberal"
clyde@dubyaD40.com |
Tidbits
By Clyde
Thursday, December 1, 2005
How many times have you told or heard other people comment about how glad they are that Christmas is over? From Thanksgiving on, everyone in this country is inundated with the Christmas spirit from Applebee's to Wal-Mart but that is not enough for the Falafel King Bill O'Reilly. This windbag is crying because some store clerk had the temerity to say Happy Holidays while he was perusing the new Loofa selections at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I wish that ignorant piece of human waste would just HO-HO-HO his ass back into his own pissed off little world and leave the rest of us alone.
Did you hear the one about the homosexual man who gave up being gay after he quit smoking because suddenly everything tasted different?
Joe Lieberman is running around all of the talk shows talking about how swell everything is going in Iraq and now the right wing propaganda machine is running around cheering him as if he just took third place at the Special Olympics. Thanks a whole fucking lot Joe, now why don't you go and try to play patty-cake with Bob Dole and just get the fuck out of the Democratic Party.
Once again Heidi Fleiss is back in the news because she plans on building a brothel for women. I predict that this endeavor is doomed to failure, not because I believe women would not frequent such an establishment but because there will be no room because of all the men applying for jobs in an effort to just get interviewed.
Just when did it become acceptable for the president of the United States to make up words? I mean what the fuck? First it was "misunderestimated" then there was "jihadists" and now Chimpboy's new word is Saddamists. What in the hell is a Saddamist and why are we worried about them because after all, won't God come down and smote them with a bad case of penicillin resistant Gomorrah?
When I heard that Paris Hilton's monkey attacked her in the lingerie section of a Beverly Hills boutique the first thing that came to my mind was that if she would just keep her pants on, she wouldn't have that problem.
Donald "Tiger Claw" Rumsfeld has had an epiphany and decided that he will no longer call them insurgents. Rather he would like them to be referred to as the Enemies of the Legitimate Iraqi Government, ELIG for short. Does that mean that we can quit referring to him as the Secretary of Defense (SecDef) and instead call him the Dumbass in Charge (DIC)?
The OxyContin cowboy Rush Limbaugh has made several thousands of dollars on his Adopt a Soldier program. And it is now being reported that he is going to use the money to resurface the parking lot of the local Denny's so he doesn't damage his limousine when he has to pick up his pain medication.
George W. Bush has supposedly drawn up a plan for victory in Iraq but that only leads to one question. If we have yet to achieve victory then what in the hell was the codpiece promenade on the USS Abraham Lincoln all about?
Michael Brown has decided to open up a consulting firm specializing in emergency preparedness. Hiring this asshole makes about as much sense as having Michael Jackson in charge of nap time at the local preschool.
I have a problem with them naming Jerry Hall as spokesperson for erectile dysfunction because I do not have a problem with my erectile capabilities when I see her. Instead the spokesperson should be someone who has experience with this malady like Ann Coulter.
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