My version of the story
posted by
Clyde
6:04 AM
Cheney's ticker battery to be replaced
Dark Lord Darth Cheney will undergo routine cyborg maintenance and a minor surgical procedure Saturday to replace the battery in the special pacemaker he has in his chest, a spokeswoman said. Meanwhile, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow told reporters that PresiDunce Bush is looking forward to being in charge for a change.
"During the vice president's annual physical examination and oil change in June, testing of his implantable cardioverter-defibrillator with mutating capacity indicated that the device's outdated atomic battery has reached the level of critical mass where elective replacement of the device is recommended, because failure of the device could come in the form of a mushroom cloud" Megan McGinn, deputy press secretary for Cheney, said Friday.
She has said doctors and mechanics must replace the entire device to replace the battery, and that the surgery will be performed at George Washington University Hospital, while Hal E. Burton's Tire and Lube will be responsible for belt replacement and tire rotation.
During his routine checkup and dyno testing last month, Cheney underwent a stress and road course test, and doctors also checked out the defibrillator, which was implanted in June 2001 to shock his heart if he experiences an irregular heartbeat or carburetor failure. As suspected, the stress test showed no blockages in his heart as it IS an empty vessel anyhow. Doctors also said then that his defibrillator was functioning properly and that they had not had to treat any irregular beating of the vice president's heart.
(Link to the unedited for comedic effect version)
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